For IENs: B.C. Nursing Community Assessment Service

For IEN (internationally educated nurses) who plan on getting licensed in British Columbia (B.C., Canada) to note: On Nov 5th, 2014, CRNBC announced a project to create a new Nursing Community Assessment Service (NCAS) for Internationally Educated Practitioners (IEPs) by March 2016. Below is quoted from the announcement.

"The purpose of the NCAS is to support the regulatory colleges and the Care Aid Registry to make decisions about registering IEPs by:

• Determining if IEPs have competencies that are substantially equivalent to those of entry-level Registered Nurses, Registered Psychiatric Nurses, Licensed Practical Nurses, and Health Care Assistants in BC
• Identifying competence gaps to assist regulators to determine appropriate supplementary education
• Identifying an alternate profession/role for which the applicant has demonstrated the competencies.

The NCAS project is an initiative led jointly by the BC Care Aide & Community Health Worker Registry (the Registry), and the three nursing regulatory colleges (CLPNBC, CRNBC, CRPNBC) as the nursing community partners."

Note: IEPs refer to internationally-educated Registered Nurses, Registered Psychiatric Nurses, Licensed Practical Nurses (also known as Assistant Nurses or Enrolled Nurses in Singapore), and Health Care Assistants. According to the quick facts provided in the announcement, "Roughly 1450 IEPs seek registration in the four professions in BC each year." For details, please refer to the CRNBC announcement or their PDF download.

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For those who intend to work in the Metro Vancouver area, I suggest checking out the Government of Canada Job Bank to understand the job market better. Please see below for some statistics on the Lower Mainland - Southwest region, i.e. Metro Vancouver as of Dec-14, 2014.

1. For Registered Nurses and Registered Psychiatric Nurses (NOC 3152 - A)  - There are 133 job postings (including 3 months-old postings). According to the Outlook report released on May 22, 2014, the job outlook is "Good" because of the expectation that job openings will be created as older workers retire and "according to the 2011 National Household Survey, ... 21% of workers were 55 years old and older." That said, your individual experience may differ, click here and here for examples.
2. For Licensed Practical Nurses (NOC 3233 - B) - There are 4 job postings (November and December 2014). According to the Outlook report released on May 22, 2014, the job outlook is "Good" because of the expectation that job openings will be created as older workers retire and "according to the 2011 National Household Survey, ... 14% of workers were 55 years old and older." Again, your individual experience may differ. Back in 2013, I have met several LPNs who told me about themselves and/or their schoolmates having difficulty landing full-time/part-time LPN jobs up to 9 months after graduation, surviving on casual (on-the-call) jobs instead.
3. For Health Care Assistants [listed as Nurses Aides, Orderlies and Patient Service Associates (NOC 3413 - C) in the Job Bank] - There are 3 job postings (all listed in December 2014). According to the Outlook report released on May 22, 2014, the job outlook is "Good" because of the expectation that job openings will be created as older workers retire and "according to the 2011 National Household Survey, ... 19% of workers were 55 years old and older." Again, your individual experience may differ.

Here are my 2 cents as someone who has gone through the job search process in Metro Vancouver (in 2013) and met others along the same journey: 

1. Often one will see advertisements that "Canada needs nurses", "there is a high demand for nurses", "there is a shortage of nurses", etc (especially advertisements from the private for-profit colleges/schools). One has to be careful to understand the fact that there may a conflict of interest in the claims put out by these advertisements. Yes, the need is there, but the real question is -- "Is the funding there?" E.g. Are the public health authorities willing/able to invest enough to meet the staffing needs? Are the private facilities/employers' terms of employment reasonable?
2. The 1,450 IEPs seeking registration in the 4 professions (RN, RPN, LPN, HCA) each year does not include those locally trained/educated looking for jobs in the above professions. For number of local fresh-graduates seeking for the same jobs, I suggest interested readers to do more of their own online data-mining; e.g. from the Education Planner (BC) website and the websites of the various colleges/training-schools. Please also do not forget to add that there are also job seekers who transfer their registration from other provinces to Metro Vancouver, B.C.
3. One solution that I have encountered is would-be professionals doing their education/training/registration in Metro Vancouver, B.C. because of the existence of family/social-support here in Metro Vancouver, but with plans to move to Interior B.C., Northern B.C. or other provinces after they get their registration. E.g. I have personally met a B.C.-registered LPN fresh graduate who moved to Manitoba because of the combination of having family and more/better job opportunities there. E.g. I have met a RPN-student who plans to head to Atlantic Canada for jobs after he gets his B.C. registration because according to him the job opportunities for RPN fresh-graduates is really limited in B.C., given that RNs and RPNs are both lumped under the same NOC and according to him RNs are often preferred over RPNs.

So for the IENs who visit my blog to plan for their healthcare career in Canada, I strongly recommend that you do more research into the job market and registration requirements of the specific region that you intend to work in.

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p.s. A piece of good news for IENs with 5-10 years of relevant nursing experience before coming to B.C., Canada. I learned recently from a GNIE ex-classmate that several of our fellow GNIE-classmates have had their years of overseas (i.e. non-Canadian) nursing experience recognized by their health-authority employer(s), and their hourly-salary adjusted accordingly (albeit they still start from scratch on the B.C. Nurses Union's Seniority Scheme). FYI, click here for B.C.'s Registered Psychiatric Nurses' pay-scale effective from April 1st, 2013. Note: Registered Nurses in B.C. have the same pay-scale.
http://www.upnbc.org/PDFs/NBA%20Wage%20Grid%202011_2013%20(1).pdf

FSWP, FSTP, CEC 1st step = Express Entry

If you're planning to migrate to Canada under the FSWP, FSTP or Canadian Experience Class, please note that these PR visa application process will undergo a major change with effect from January 1st, 2015. The 1st step for any of the above 3 PR visa will be Express Entry, where only the top-ranking candidates from a pool of accepted applications will be invited to apply for PR after each draw.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/express/express-entry.asp

For those who want to read about another person's FSWP 2014 and Express Entry 2015 application process, you can check out Gobbledegook's blog "We decided to move to Canada".

4 years vs 40 years

We went to watch the Grey Cup finals (Canadian Football League) at BC Place (stadium) today, thanks to a gift from DD's relative. At the game, we sang the Canadian national anthem. It suddenly occurred to me how "O Canada!" is actually moving for me now, just as how "Majulah Singapura" was long, long ago.

[30-Nov-2014: Mom/baby-to-be's 1st Grey Cup game]

Other fleeting thoughts while at the game:

1. Sports is such a big thing here in B.C., Canada, especially hockey and football. Even someone like me who has only attended 1 live football (i.e. soccer) match in a Singapore stadium actually enjoyed going to live hockey and (today) football games at B.C. stadiums. [Note: According to my hubby DD: B.C. folks are not considered huge supporters of competitive sports, when compared to other provinces like Alberta and Saskatchewan.] IMHO, there is no short-cut to developing a thriving sports culture. It requires a package deal: from developing an appreciation of sports in the general public, to encouraging children to participate in various sports from young, to supporting widespread access to sports training (e.g. specialized competitive sports training personnel, facilities and related equipment may be very expensive -- and possibly beyond the affordability of the median Singaporean family), to supporting budding sportsmen in all aspects (financial, academic, etc), to creating sports-centric jobs/industries (e.g. recruiting soccer news anchors from retired soccer players/coaches).
2. Yes, I'm pregnant, less than 1 year into our marriage. We heard at a recent gathering of (ex-)Singapore folks here that another Singapore-Canadian couple here is also expecting, less than 1 year into their marriage too. Perhaps the problem with fertility in Singapore is not with the Singaporeans, but other "environmental" (e.g. social) issues? E.g. Working too many hours to have time/energy leftover for baby-making? Worrying about how one's child/children will cope in a highly competitive social/educational environment with narrow definitions of success and the trend of unforgiving attitudes towards social "failures"? [Click here and here to see the Finnish baby box that drives home the message that “Every child matters. Every family matters.”]
3. 4 years versus 40 years. How did my host country "win my heart" in 4 years and my birth country lose my "love" over 40 years? It boggles the mind. Something for those residing in Singapore to think about, since Singapore has "welcome" a significant proportion (about 40%) of foreign-born onto its soil -- What policies exist and/or are-needed for the foreign-born to feel accepted as part-of-Singapore? [Click here, here and here for related articles.]

p.s. I still appreciate my Singaporean heritage -- from the "old Singapore" which I grew up in, a very different society that Singapore currently is and continues to evolve into. As I've written before, and a couple of my blog readers commented in agreement, the Singapore that we grew up in no longer exists. What is leftover are the flotsam and jetsam of overseas (ex-)Singaporeans who continue to grasp onto the community spirit of the old days and passing on what's left of their heritage to their children and generations to come. To borrow the words from Battlestar Galactica, "All of this has happened before (overseas Chinese back in the 1900's), and will happen again (new wave of emigrants)".

4 years in Canada

When I read Singaporean Missy Jo's (The Slim Rolly Polly Wannabe) blog post about her doubts on ever settling-in after almost 5 months in Perth, it reminds me of the doubts I used to have after about 6 months in Canada. Back then, my "Migration & settling-in: A progress review" had more "did not meet target/expectations" (X) than "met target/expectations" (V). I guess the doubts/ups-and-downs is a challenge that many new immigrants go through.

I have been in Canada for just over 4 years now. Below is a progress review of my "settling down" process -- and thankfully a happier report, it seems.

V Local friends: As mentioned back in my April-2011 blog entry, I have been blessed and continue to be blessed in this regard. I am very grateful for that.

V Love life: DD has been a wonderfully supportive husband. We have gone through ups-and-downs together, and our relationship has grown stronger with time. Of course, we both have individual quirks that each has to put up with from the other. After all, marriage takes effort. Overall, we share similar values for the important matters, and have shown adaptability and willingness to communicate+accept differences on other matters.

V Family: Through marriage to DD, I have gained a Canadian family with members spread mainly over 3 Canadian provinces. I have since met most members on the maternal side of DD's extended family and some members on the paternal side too.

V Career: I have been working as a registered nurse in Metro Vancouver for 1+ year now. I am quite happy with my current main job and 1 unionized casual job, both private-sector employers. There have been ups-and-downs in my main job (click here for example), but all in I am happy where I currently am. On most days, I look forward to heading to work as I found my work meaningful and rewarding (not just financially).

V Canadian income: My income goes up and down depending on the number of hours I have been assigned on my main job each month. When there is a lull in my main job, I look towards accepting on-call shifts at my casual job, which helps to stabilize to my income. It also helps that a RN's pay here really reflects the professional nature of the job. Friends and (my in-law) family suggested that I look towards working with a health authority instead for more stable income and better benefits. My reply was, (as mentioned above) I am happy where I currently am, and have actually quit from a casual job with a health authority earlier this year.

V Living accommodations: As Mr S from Neurotic Ramblings puts it, "having your own place to call home" is one of the factors that Singaporeans and/or ethnic-Chinese often count towards the concept of "settling down". DD and I have recently moved into our "new home" -- an old condominium unit which is technically-speaking owned by the bank (thanks to the mortgage we took). We are still in the process of unpacking and settling-in, but it certainly feels good to have "our own place to call home".

V Getting around: I am still relying on Metro Vancouver's good public transport infrastructure to get around most of the time. Sometimes, DD would chauffeur me around. I am so comfortable with the current arrangements that I kept delaying on my plans to get a B.C. driving licence. Unlike in Singapore where people generally expect things to tick like clock-work, people here seem to be more tolerant of sudden changes in plans due to un-forseen circumstances (e.g. breakdowns in public transport).

V Community/volunteer participation: After a few rounds of ad-hoc and mid-term community/volunteer roles, I have settled nicely into a new long-term community/volunteer role earlier this year that is likely to last for a few years.

? Credit rating: When DD and I applied for a home mortgage in B.C., I found to my surprise that my Credit Rating is "UNKNOWN" despite having used my credit-cards regularly and paying my dues fully on schedule. I guess I should have heeded the advice from my lecturer at the "Financial Literacy Program for new migrants" to check with one of the 2 major Canadian Credit-Reporting Agencies at least once-yearly on my credit rating (i.e. either Equifax Canada or TransUnion Canada). [Aside: Thankfully, DD has excellent credit rating and our mortgage application went through smoothly.] I guess getting my credit rating set-up is one item on my To-Do-List. That said, there is no urgency as my main bank (i.e. financial services provider) seems view me as an excellent credit risk, and it keeps offering to increase my credit limit and/or promoting lines-of-credit to me.

Ok, that's my status summary for now. Someone once told me that it takes 5 years to settle into a new country. I now truly appreciate the wisdom of her advice as my "settling-down in Canada" is still a work-in-progress.

Blog anomalies

I turned off my blog's public access for a period from Friday night July 18th, 2014 until late this morning Monday July 21st, 2014 (Vancouver time). Let's just say that during this period of no-public access, I noticed some anomalies on my blog. 

For example, according to the blog statistics, a viewer from Singapore using the Codomo Dragon internet-browser on Windows platform browsed my blog sometime between 19 Jul 2014 08:26hr - 10:25hr (Vancouver time). Whoever he/she/it was, he/she/it successfully viewed my blog despite the fact that I have not granted him/her/it access rights.

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Let me digress a little for now. Like ASingaporeanSon, I was inspired by Singapore Serf when I started my blog. Reading Singapore Serf's posts on his life as an Australian immigrant, even down to the simple day-to-day stuff, was an inspiration that I too perhaps could make a simple life as an immigrant somewhere else. Besides, I figured that a blog would be useful for me to remember of life's ups-and-downs to help keep things in perspective. Subsequently, I thought that sharing my life as an immigrant and/or re-entry into nursing in B.C. may be of use to other immigrants and/or Internationally Educated Nurses on the same path. There it is, the gist of the motivation behind my blog.

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If you've been reading this blog, you would know that I had decided to retire my online pen some moons ago, back in March 2014. I do not know what the motives are behind the recent anomalies...

And frankly, my dear, life goes on.

Mid-career nursing

This is for choaniki, who is considering a mid-career switch to nursing and/or other healthcare-related professions for the purpose of emigration.

The following videos are from CNA (Canadian Nurses Association). Age is generally not an issue when seeking employment in Canada, as long as one is able to meet the demands of the job. E.g. Within the last year, I have personally met 4 other Canadian-trained nurses (RN and/or LPN) aged between 30's to 50's who switched career into nursing. That said, age may affect your chance of emigrating under an "immigration points-system" that factor the age of the applicant into account.

Mid Career Paths in Nursing
Published on Oct 11, 2013

Beginning a Career in Nursing
Published on Oct 11, 2013

Combining Careers
Published on Oct 10, 2013


IMHO, if you have the funds, it may be worth it to do the career conversion training as a foreign student in your targeted host country instead of taking up the Singapore's WDA PCP option. This is because you will face less issues getting your nursing registration when your skills education/training is from the host country. In addition, your time spent as a student in your host country may help you qualify for migration visa options specifically designed for this group.

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Lastly a bonus video to show the concept here (in Canada) that nurses advocate not just for the patients under their direct-care but also on general health-related issues/policies. Compare this with another nursing advertisement (from you know where) which emphasize caring and following one's heart in nursing, but says nothing about nurses practising upstream-thinking to address (e.g. socio-economic and political) issues/policies that impact a nation's health.

Registered Nurses: A leading force for change

Enjoy!

May-2014 FSWP and FSTP

Just a quick note, CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) has released a news on the new caps for FSWP and FSTP for migrating to Canada effective May-2014. Please check out the url below for details.

http://news.gc.ca/web/article-en.do?nid=841339

Acceptance, love, joy and hope

Just saw this on Yahoo! It brings to mind what my friend ASingaporeanSon down south wrote about "Golden Jubilee Babies".

As ASingaporeanSon wrote: "What does a parent really want to give to his or her child? One of them should be hope. The assurances to our next generation that bringing them up in this country is not a mistake, that they will be included and accepted in society regardless or who and what they are in a sustainable manner."

Eden Grace - Don't Give Up from Michelle Nagle on Vimeo.

Miracles, by virtue of their unexpected nature, do not always happen. What if a child with a rare genetic disorder does not overcome his/her limitations? How much hope and tangible support can and will the parents, society and government policies provide for the child to live sustainably and be accepted by society?

As I commented on ASingaporeanSon's blog, some folks asked me why Canada seems to have more children with rare illnesses/disorders (when compared to their countries of origin). My reply is, "If these children were born in your country, what would happen to them?" The answers they give would explain why there are fewer children with rare illnesses/disorders (that survive and/or are seen in public) in their countries of origin when compared to Canada.

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When I got married, a few of my Singapore-based close friends asked out of concern if I plan to have children and (given that I'm already in my mid-40's) the high risk of having a child with problems (e.g. Down's Syndrome) at my age. I told them honestly that we (as a couple) decided to go with the flow; if I get pregnant, we will do whatever standard tests available and then decide from there.

So far, no one in Canada (not even close friends) expressed concern to me about the risk of me having a child with problems at my age. If anything, I have one nursing-trained friend already waiting to be godmother to my yet-to-be-conceived child.

Is this difference between Canada and Singapore due to social attitudes or government policies or both? Which drives which?

p.s. I just have to write about this close-to-heart matter as I've personally seen the difference as a paediatric nurse in both countries.

Destiny

When I informed my friends that I was getting married, several friends remarked, "It's your destiny to be in Canada."

My friends meant well, of course. Destiny is an interesting concept indeed.

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Almost 20 years ago (mid 1990's), I had a simple fortune telling session in Hong Kong. I was told that my life had been and would be pretty tough, until I hit middle-age.

Then around 10 years ago (mid 2000's), I got around to learning about psychic practice, similar to those practised at the Berkeley Psychic Institute. For a while, I dappled in the paranormal. [Aside: In supporting an associate's paranormal business, I was interviewed by an expat-magazine and had my "15-sec of fame" on TV in Singapore.]

In 2006 after a traumatic event, I decided to change my name for better luck. Fortunately, I talked with a Feng Shui master friend of mine. He advised me to keep my original name as it is a lucky name. I asked him about the Hong Kong fortune teller's reading. His reply was, "You practice meditation and you know how to do paranormal stuff. So you know very well that you can modify your future."

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Around 7 years ago, just before I start my nursing training in Singapore, a friend did a BaZi [生辰八字] and related Chinese fortune-telling calculations for me. She said, "Your life will be tough until age 52."

So I asked, "When can I change my career successfully?"

She replied, "Age 52."

"But I am already going into nursing..."

Friend replied, "Then you will change your career again at 52."

I asked, "Oh, I see. I'm not surprised, I have too many interests that I would like to pursue. How about migrating out of Singapore?"

She replied, "52."

"Getting married?"

"52."

I mused, "So everything also must wait until 52?"

Friend replied, "Yes, 52 is a turning point in your life. Oh, by the way, try not to drive before that age. You're very accident prone."

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My friend is right about the accident prone bit. E.g. I had a lucky escape from death last June (2013).

[18-Jun-2013, Richmond, B.C., Canada]

I was strolling slowly along a pedestrian walkway while deep in thoughts. I was heading towards the traffic crossing seen in the photo above. I mentally berated myself for missing the "CROSS" signal ("white man walking" light) by a few metres, and then returned to my thoughts. 

Suddenly, I heard a series of loud bangs. I looked around and saw a badly damaged white car spinning in the middle of the road junction. Apparently, another car had hit the white car so badly that it (the white car) spun round-and-round, past the pedestrian crossing to hit other cars waiting at the red light. As you can see from the photo above, the impact was so great that one of the cars swung 180-degrees (i.e. the one with the tire on its hatchback). Imagine if I had walked fast enough to be crossing the road at that instance (where the 2 persons were standing on the road in the photo above) -- habis! [i.e. Finished!]

It's not my first brush with Death. E.g. My 2009 pneumonia episode. I guess Destiny wanted me to stay alive.

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Last summer (August 2013), a psychic I met told me that someone had deliberately cast a hex on me. Indeed I was having such a bad time at work back then that I sometimes secretly wished that I was the palliative one, not my youthful client(s). You see, I was not afraid of death, but the pain/torture that sometimes came with being alive. [Aside: I hope that when Death eventually visits, he would deliver me swiftly.]

Anyway, long story short. 破财消灾。 [Pay the price to ward-off disaster.] After all, I had not been meditating consistently for a long time so I knew that I needed help to deal with this biggie. I know some would call me silly for "wasting money on superstitious stuff". But if you've walked in the shoes of my rather curious life, you may have second thoughts.

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So the tally.

• Changed career - checked. I'm not making tons of money, or even regular income, but I'll live.
• Emigrating from Singapore - checked. Still adjusting to my host country.
• Get married - checked. Still happily married, still in the honeymoon phase.
• Accident prone - checked. Lucky to be alive.

[08-Mar-2014, Husband-brand Happy Brunch]

Have I changed my destiny or otherwise? I don't know. When I told DD about the "52" fortune, he puts it as, "You've just shifted your destiny earlier by X years."

[Note: DD is a skeptic, but he has learned to humour me and not criticize my beliefs. Such is love that moves a man.]

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Just sharing my story. May it bring hope to those who are trying to change their destiny.

So long & thanks for all the fish

I have not been blogging much, mainly because every time I thought of something to write about, I would be distracted by Life. Then a few days would pass and I would re-think about the topic and conclude, "Nah, it would be so mundane to others."

[06-Feb-2014, A flock of birds flying overhead in Richmond]

E.g. Who would be interested about watching flocks of birds? Or kids dancing, mimicking the life-size XBox display at a shopping mall? Or the mesmerizing snow flakes falling? Or watching the fog as it creeps in and as it rises? Or the excitement of seeing buds in trees heralding the arrival of Spring? Or of gangs in Metro Vancouver? Or thoughts inspired by seeing a bird eating a road-kill rat? And for all of these, nothing beats being there to experience it for oneself.

Anyway, I started this blog 5 years ago. At that time, I was about to enter nursing in Singapore professionally, and I knew that I would have to make a decision about emigration soon. Thus, I started the blog as a coping mechanism to "let-off steam" and to have a record to remind myself that life has its ups and downs. 5 years on, I've:

• changed country of residence,  
• changed jobs, and re-entered nursing in a new country, and 
• changed my marital status. 

IMHO, that is a lot of changes. I have shared some of my journey/challenges/excitement because I thought that others on similar paths may benefit/learn from my experience. [FYI: Here's my inspiration.] Indeed, from the blog search statistics, readers land on my blog while seeking information about:

• nursing in Singapore and/or WDA's career conversion to nursing, 
• nursing in Canada, especially CRNBC's SEC (or here for CRNBC's Web Learning Modules or here for CRNBC's FAQ about Nursing Standards), CRNE preparations and/or results for IEN, and/or
• Singapore and emigration.

While my life journey continues, I would recommend those who are searching on any of the above topics to go online to search for the most current information directly from the source. E.g. Singapore's WDA website, CRNBC website, Canadian universities' websites, and the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website, etc. After all, policies change -- sometimes surprisingly (click here, here and here) and/or suddenly (click here, here and here).

[06-Feb-2013, A Canadian RN at last, 
3+ years after the initial 16-Nov-2009 IEN application]

As for those looking for overseas Singaporeans' views on life/events in Singapore and life overseas, there are plenty of other bloggers who write well. Please feel free to check out some of the blogs listed on the right column. Besides, whatever that needs to be said has been spoken of repeatedly by many bloggers. If one still does not wake up, then I guess this individual needs his/her "Aha!" moment for a paradigm shift. IMHO, it might take 1 to 3 generations, but the writing is on the wall for Singapore's future. Click here, here, here, here, here and here. [Note: I sincerely hope that I am wrong, for I am the only one in my family who emigrated.]

Besides, this blog was also meant for me to let-off some steam anonymously. But as we all know -- there is no such thing as true anonymity when one starts to share details from one's personal life online, especially as one's social circle expands. [See also here.] I stand by what I wrote, my feelings/opinions are true at the time I wrote my blog entries. That said, I would prefer if people take time to get to know me face-to-face, rather than knowing so much about me when I hardly know anything about them.

To those who ask, "Are you Winking Doll? I read so much (about you & your life) from your blog": Thanks for asking, Winking Doll is my online persona, there's lots about me that I do not share online. I hope we'll get to know one another slowly over time -- i.e. let relationships develop/die organically.

I am not hanging up my online pen instantly or forever. For one, I still want to get around to sharing about my emigration planning process as discussed with ASingaporeanSon previously on our occasional Facebook chat. I think it may give hope to those who think that they are stuck on a little red dot because they don't have paper qualifications, money and/or connections. For another, I will still lurk around online to comment on various blogs, and maybe write once in a blue moon. And I want to share one more post on my thoughts on destiny before I go.

Otherwise, life is calling. So long, and thanks for all the fish!

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Runaway bride

A day before the wedding ceremony and I am beginning to grasp why there is the term "runaway bride". And I am only having a small wedding -- less than 30 pax, including the Marriage Commissioner, bride, groom, et al!

DD while nice, is typical of guys -- he does things when asked to, otherwise leaves the "detail-work" and "relationship stuff" (e.g. tracking of gifts and tokens of appreciation) to the female in his life.

When we were taking out the wedding stuff from the cupboard yesterday night, I realized that it is mostly my project with the help of mainly my local friends. DD sent his suits to the dry-cleaners, ordered the cake and the post-ceremony brunch. DD's friends have been assigned tasks that are optional -- in fact, he has not even told some of his friends their "assigned tasks" at the wedding! I had better remind DD to follow-up on these "relationship" stuff -- not to drop-the-ball on his friends last minute.

Then the in-laws came to town, one day earlier than expected -- that really threw me a curve ball as I thought we should spend time with them while they are here. DD claims, "We don't have to spend time with them if we're busy, they'll understand." Urgh! So clueless about relationship management!

In the midst of unpacking as mentioned above, DD stated that we need to formally explain the auspicious symbolism of our wedding dessert (a traditional Cantonese wedding item) when all through our previous discussions about how the ceremony would go, there is no mention of any need to explain stuff. As DD puts it last night, "Well your friends probably know it all already, but my friends don't."

Then DD started to define last minute details of how the music volume should be controlled and synchronized with the events, when previously he said, "It's very simple, just go from one playlist to the next!" Well, he better explain these details to my friend EM.

And DD didn't even put them across as last minute requests, more like a statement of how things should be done. I do not like it, that is NOT how requests should be communicated nor the way projects should be managed. If there is a need to fudge/control details like this rather than let things run their own course, DD should have asked for a rehearsal. I'm wondering if I'm dealing with a hint of a groomzilla here instead of a bridezilla!

Today is the eve of the big day. I had left today for stuff that were meant to be for pampering myself, laying out the bride stuff and selecting/downloading electronic photos that we want to display (since we have both taken the day-off). Now I have add-on worries on my head and the nerves are creeping on me! Runaway bride sounds fabulously tempting -- except that I'll do the sensible thing and have a good talk with DD once he wakes up.

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[Update 28-Feb-2014 at 10:10am]

We've just talked about how I felt. All's ok now. That's why I'm marrying DD -- we bring each other joy and we're able to talk things over even when one/both parties are upset.

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[Update 01-Mar-2014 at 10:40pm]

By yesterday evening, we were both thinking "We'll be glad when this whole wedding thing is over."

When we woke up this morning, we talked about our "alternate wedding" if we could get away with it. My version would be a small pot-luck party: when everyone arrived and have settled down, we sign the papers with the witnesses and Marriage Commissioner. DD's version: Just the bride, groom and 2 witnesses go to the Marriage Commissioner's office and sign the papers; then we return home to party with friends.

It's amazing that we got a wedding ceremony and post-wedding reception put together and we kept remarking how it would not have been possible without our good friends helping out in various ways, especially ZS and JX, AA, and PN. Our guests feedback that they loved our small intimate wedding where guests had the chance to mingle and get to know the bride, groom, and other guests. 在家靠父母，出外靠朋友。 [We can count on our parents at home, but in society we need to count on friends.]