Yesterday, someone called this a "blah blah blog" without ever having had a look at it or finding out what it's about. If it were any person, I would not bother. But that someone was supposedly interested in me and made that remark when I casually mentioned about my blog. In response, I replied that his remark reminded me of a similar remark made by an MCP (male chauvinist pig) back in Singapore and that I dropped the other fellow as a friend after his very rude response to my decision to leave Singapore.
Sometimes it makes me wonder why men assume that women have inferior grey matter between our ears just because we don't go around shouting about our qualities and achievements. Come on, why would we when we (smart women) know very well that men usually go for looks? But that doesn't make us bimbos. If I wanted to be cruel, I could ask him, "How many people voluntarily come to you for your thoughts/views each day?" I'll bet it would not exceed 20/day* for someone who is a software developer and an introvert with a limited social life. But I won't do that, no need to hurt a man's most treasured asset -- his ego.
[*Note: As the current blog stats go, I get about 100 hits/day... assuming 2hits/day/person, it would be 50 persons voluntarily reading my thoughts each day.]I am done putting up with chauvinist twits (click here, here, here and here -- see the comments section for the last 2 links), so unless that someone apologizes for his uncalled for prejudicial remark, it shall be "end of story" with this guy. There are plenty of fishes out there. I have turned down "better catches" before and would rather be alone than with a sub-standard fish.
i read this everyday. am i no.1 fan?
ReplyDeleteHi No. 1 fan a.k.a. Asingaporeanson,
DeleteThanks for your daily support! :)
Cheers, WD.
KNS, stand aside la asingaporeanson, I was reading this when it started in 2009.
ReplyDeleteTook me a while to leave my first comment though:
Deletehttp://winkingdoll.blogspot.co.nz/2010/05/urti.html#comment-form
Hi CK,
DeleteWow I didn't know that people read my blog right from the start! In the beginning, I thought I was writing an online diary for myself only. :P
Haha, anyway you're right, you are a valued old-time visitor/fan and an Accelerated Diploma in Nursing senior! I hereby award you the "Special Achievement Award" for being a fan right from the start.
Thanks for your encouraging words and support all along the way.
Cheers, WD.
That's it, game over for this clown......good thing u saw it nice n early. As they say, give a man enough rope, and they will usually hang themselves.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoy your blog BTW, and following your inner (and external) adventures in Canada!
Hi LSH,
DeleteThanks for visiting and your encouraging feedback. You're right it's "game over" for this guy and good that we didn't waste too much time on each other given our "mismatch of expectations".
Thanks again for your support!
Cheers, WD.
When a woman meets the right man who steps into her life. Then and only then will she know instinctively the role she has to play beside this man. She will know this, not bc the man has told her what he likes and doesn't - she will know it from the inside deep within the marrow of her bones. Her womanhood - when a woman knows this. She is blessed. As there is nothing greater in life for a woman than to know what role she is supposed to play beside the man she loves. She may not like every aspect of this role that she has committed herself to play - but since she knows it is important to the man. She will perform it uncomplainingly nonetheless. Neither will she diffuse her energy by creating all kinds of nonsensical lexicons in her head to work herself up to kick up a fuss - the man will by this stage put a stop to her bad habits. she will simply accept the role she was meant to play alongside this man. As she knows only too well, this is the ONLY way for her to be by his side.
ReplyDeleteHowever when a woman meets a half or quart man. Then she can only be very confused about the role she is supposed to play. That is only to be expected. After all when a woman decides to go out with a man who doesnt even know himself. Then how can she possibly know what role she is supposed to play in his life? She cannot. And since women are by nature petty and very good at fault finding. Without leadership and the firm hand of the man to guide her - left to her own, a woman is really like a child who can only get more confused. Confusion leads to anxiety. Anxiety can only lead to fear. And fear opens the door to suffering and eventually cynicism. And soon she will end up hating that man along with all the rest of mankind. By that stage even that woman has ceased completely to be a whole women herself - she is now damaged goods - a half or quart woman.
That is why ALL women should be mindful of that other category of men - the variety who knows exactly what role his woman in the journey of life should play. He knows. You see it is very simple why he knows. As if this man does not know. Then how can the woman possibly know herself?
Darkness 2012
Hi Darkness,
DeleteThanks for visiting and your interesting comment.
You did not define "the right man", so anything goes. The right man could be a stay-at-home husband who cooks, cleans and serves the wife who brings home the bacon -- I personally know of a couple who lived happily together for years with such arrangement. The right man could also be a career warrior, leaving the housewife to cook, cleans and serve him -- again I have friends like that. The right man could also be the one who brings home the lion's share of the bacon and still cooks, cleans and pampers his working wife like a princess -- again I have personally met such cases. And vice versa. The combinations are limitless. From my observation, "the right man and the right woman" are a pair that can dance in-synch to their unique (implicit/explicit) agreement of roles/responsibilities. That is, IMHO, nothing is cast in stone, i.e. there is no fixed gender role, only "what works" uniquely for each couple.
Btw, I think we may have a generation gap. I belong to the individualist, cynical, Generation X. Like many women in my generation, I have the means and opportunity to be independent (financially, socially, etc). Thus, as far as I am concerned, I have no need for a man, except perhaps for intimacy and regular sex. Indeed, having a man around means the need to make compromises such that both of us can live together happily -- an additional effort compared to the joy/peace/flexibility/spontaneity of single-hood.
For sure, if a man makes reasonable requests (and especially if he has a track record of being right) I would also go along even if I am in doubt. That means, if he wants to lead "the dance", than he had better to know me well enough to appreciate my strengths, weaknesses, and my values to know the line between the negotiable and the limits. If he slams me even before knowing me well, e.g. like that fellow mentioned in this blog post, than his judgement is not worth listening to. Same goes for the wizened men I've met who are more interested in moulding their (often younger/youthful) target to meet their needs than to truly appreciate their target as a human/person.
As for relying on a man to tell me my destiny. In my naive 20's, I might consider an ambitious man, so that I may live vicariously through his achievements. But then, through life experience, I realize that living vicariously is really unhealthy for one's personal development -- I need look no further than my own mother as a negative example.
Do my views make me a damaged good - a half or quart woman? I don't know and I don't care. Frankly, as I have told my classmate PY recently, my problem isn't about getting men interested in me (getting a man's interest is easy, way too easy), my problem is finding the right man/men who also happen to be available. Too many sub-standard fishes out there looking for a bite.
Thanks again for your visit and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your sharing your honest opinions.
Cheers, WD.
Oh my goodness Darkness!!! What a mills n Boons view of the sexes! All these petty, small minded females running around or waiting in their towers for a REAL MAN to overwhelm her and enlighten her on her True destiny !!! When I have female friends talking like that, I tell them 'Stop listening to your HORMONES woman!!!)
ReplyDeleteHi LSH,
DeleteVery funny! Good thing about growing older, the hormones calm down and the brain acquires more experience at analyzing people/situation.
I was not a fan of Mills n Boons during my teens. Back then, I was bored stiff by page 2 and kept wondering why anyone would read such boring, repetitive stories of "he loves me, he loves me not". Not sure if that was a good thing though, because I realized that I was (and maybe still is?) rather handicapped in the "courtship dance between the sexes" as a result of lack of knowledge and experience. That said, as an adult, I do read such trashy novels occasionally for the titillation, but with clear awareness that that heroic men are unrealistically portrayed.
Real men and women come with flaws. Knowing the each other's flaws, a real person recognizes that he/she is taking a bet when they build a real relationship together. That is the essence of taking personal responsibility for the relationship. The clever woman would always have a backup plan [e.g. 私防钱, i.e. her own money] in case her bet turns bad -- it happens even in my parents' generation. Only the naive expects a real man to instruct her on her true destiny. The wise woman, on the other hand, bends but only to reasonable "requests/instructions" that are within the framework of what she is willing to put into the relationship anyway.
Cheers, WD.
Good Morning Ladies,
ReplyDeleteYes. I can understand why Oh my goodness....seems almost apt to describe what I have just written. Yes. I understand completely now. I even understand how condescending all this might sound. I even understand why some of you ladies feel the need to distance yourself from what I have just shared. How trite and even rehashed in all its varied genres it may come across. In all it varied tones. I understand.
I can even understand how women who have managed to pay their way in this world may even believe that they are somehow so complete as to qualify as being independent that they may no longer see the need to put their hopes in a man any longer.
I understand. You have to all understand I have come to many forums like these before. So I must understand. Only understand this! Independence does not maketh a woman anymore than living in a cave necessary makes you a geologist. A woman has needs.
Au Contraire. A woman needs to listen to her hormones. The day she ceases to listen to her hormones is the day her tits and bum will start to sag. That is the very moment when she will move inexorably from womanhood to auntie hood. That is the moment when she will even take so much pride in the idea that she has managed to survive on this planet for as long as she has - without a man that this woman will even to even begin relish in that idea and in some cases even derive a perverse sense of pride that she has somehow managed to obliterate what she truly desires...when that happens, Oh my goodness is a very apt way to describe this condition - when a woman stands apart and separated from womanhood - she was ceased to be a woman.
Darkness 2012
Good grief Darkness! Do you ever read your posts before u send then? Oh my!!! Sagging tits and bums!!! Auntie hood!!! It's all over then! Just shoot me as I am no longer of any interest or worth to humanity .....jeeze.....having a man in my life certainly does not define my 'womanhood', I can only presume you are a male person in order for you to make such a statement. So I wonder, as a 'man'......does being 'single' make you any less of a man? Does it deny or negate your manhood? Or are 'men' naturally whole and complete without a woman in their lives? And do their abs (and other bits important to them) also start to sag if they 'ignore their hormones'?
ReplyDeleteI am totally with WD on this.....better alone than with one that cannot value me past the tits and bum, someone who will accept that he will one day be ( or already is!) an 'uncle' and happy to be with his 'aunty'.
"does being single make me less of a man?" It gives me no pleasure to say this ladies. But, of course it does. I guess one can wax lyrical about the joys of being independent, single, unfettered etc etc.
DeleteOr seek comfort food in endless male bonding sessions etc etc. But my point is these are merely very poor substitutes for the real thing - you got to understand, when a man or woman is single, its really an unnatural state - and whatever we may use to try to fill up that blank space has to be at best a prosthetic like a plastic limb or a device like a wheel chair that one regularly uses to get by.
Sure singles can spend their time like cripples and wax lyrical about how all men or women are half and quart measures and we would all be better off winging it on our own - in the way cripples often recount with glee how wheels are far more kinetically efficient than even human limbs. They may even be right! We may even be able to do really nifty tricks on our wheelchairs from time to time for laugh. Only let us all be frank and also accept the idea that when a cripple is confronted with a flight of stairs. Then reality hits home and usually it hits hard.
I know how it is to be alone more than any of you. More than maybe all of you in this thread combined.
I am also acutely aware of how an intelligent man can even derive an almost delightful perverse sense of pride and satisfaction from that petulant idea that he needs no one - that he can and will always manage all by himself. But I don't ever want to go down that road. Never. As it's really the road to perdition. That can only lead one to a hall of mirrors, where the incomplete man somehow manages to do the impossible and successfully convinces himself that he is somehow whole and complete without a woman - perhaps I have spent many years alone in mainly hostile countries where I have always had to be a hard and difficult man. And I am acutely aware of how a man IF left alone for prolonged periods can only be very destructive, cruel and inhumane. And that again is something that is so easy to do. So very easy.
But my gut feel is the greatest danger to any man like myself, especially, if he is successful is to be lulled into the false belief that incompleteness can somehow magically be transformed into a whole and complete state of being - that he can somehow be complete with just the sheer power of money, status and influence. And that if you must know is terribly easy to do. So easy it seems. That one can even step into that comfortable place and never ever want to step out again.
And that could well be the ONLY reason why I never ever want to allow myself to even step into that place. I much prefer the crushing and bitter sweet reality, as you put it,
"does being single make you less of a man?"
And the reply is yes, it does make me less of a man. Much less.... I am afraid. But at least even in this discomfort zone...I am still a whole man who knows and accepts the truth...the truth and nothing, but the truth.
Now you must excuse me ladies. I have to go to field now. I need to get drunk with my jungle friends.
Darkness 2012
Darkness 2012,
DeleteYou are the immortal that walks amongst mortals.
How can school-going or RGS gals know what they have missed?
A complete wholesome male ... is a farmer
Dear Anonymous on Friday, October 12, 2012 10:34:00 PM, a.k.a. Fan of Darkness,
DeleteThanks for visiting and leaving a comment. It seems that you hold a deep admiration for Darkness, calling him the "immortal that walks amongst mortals". Well, we share something in common -- going by the stuff that Darkness wrote on his blog, my guess is that he is not an ordinary person.
> How can school-going or RGS gals know what they have missed?
That said, IMHO, your remark above is "salah".
Firstly, I re-read Darkness' comments and my responses. I believe he was sharing his opinions based on his life experience. Since Darkness' life experience is vastly different from mine, it is natural that we develop different opinions about life, gender roles, etc. Our exchange is just a regular sharing of different perspectives, a reflection of the wonderful kaleidoscope of life.
So what in the world are you talking about "school-going or RGS gals" missing "complete wholesome male"? Is there some invisible ink "between the lines" that you're reading from that I am missing here? How did you jump topic from the comments here to "gals" not appreciating Mr Farmer? Sorry, but I think your imagination surpasses mine here.
Secondly, I wonder if you are truly a fan of Darkness or if you understood what he wrote about the dynamics male-female attraction on his blog and his comments here. If you did, you would not be so eager to slam others' opinions without supporting your own stand. If you did, you could have cited your reasons why you think that my opinions are moot. As it stands, you just slam without any supporting evidence -- much a like a bull in a china shop -- not a handsome sight indeed.
Thirdly, it is really hilarious how you did not qualify your criticism of the "RGS gals". Please, have you met ALL RGS gals (old, new, alive, deceased) to support your blanket conclusion? I have not and so I wouldn't be so foolish as to make such a blanket conclusion. As far as I can recall, RGS gals are as diverse as females come -- rich, poor, ambitious, 小女人 ("little women"), etc -- all of which form the spectrum of RGS gals. I don't know if RGS, or any school for that matter, can successfully transform a variety of girls into a monolithic entity. If that were even possible, you can bet that LKY would be gleefully "fine-tuning the school" to churn out highly-educated, obedient wives for the Singaporean males. As far as I understand, LKY is still lamenting about highly-educated Singaporean women not wanting to settle down.
Lastly, do you even understand the topic -- the "dance between males and females" -- that is being discussed in the comments here? I know that Darkness has his views which he has kindly shared. [His views are different from mine, but at least I understand where he comes from.] I have my views, which I have shared. What about you? Do you have no original thought of your own to contribute to the topic discussed? Are you only capable of borrowing the giant's glory to slam on the dwarfs?
Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving your comments. You're a good reminder of the whole gamut of humanity out there and what I would not seek as a friend.
Cheers, WD.
Hello darkness my old friend.....(sorry could not resist that one, apologies if you did not get it, it must mean you are too far away from me, musical age wise!)
ReplyDeleteI've been re-reading your post in order to try to understand where you are coming from, and get past the tits and bums.......I think you could be referring to the people/women who have given up on men / romance/ 'frisson', then yes, I am completely in agreement with you, 'don't stop believing' to quote from another song, you never know what's out there until you give it a try!
I do know women in their late 30's that are so defeated about finding a mate that they seem to become negative about everything.....there's this dawning sense of 'I won't have anyone to look after me so I have to look out for myself' and they kinda get more grabby inflexible and closed.
Then on the other hand, I know others who, whatever their age are fun and positive, and keep interested in others ( not just potential mates, but all types of people) and are in turn interesting themselves. These people are constantly attracting others into their lives, but you know they are going to be fine, whether it works out into a long term thing it not. Way after the tits and bums sag all the way to the ground I mean.
Darkness walks on air!
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous at Monday October 15, 2012 4:21:00 AM,
DeleteIf you have something to contribute to the topic being discussed, I welcome you to write in your 2 cents.
Otherwise, please air your admiration of Darkness on his blog.
http://dotseng.wordpress.com/
Best Regards, WD.
I detect chauvinism in Darkness's comments here.
ReplyDeleteHe cannot even speak for all kinds of men.
So you're right in that sense, Winking Doll.
Hi Alan,
DeleteThanks for visiting and commenting.
As far as I understand, I think Darkness has in mind a framework of the gender roles and a strong belief that "without man, a woman cannot be fully developed; and similarly, without woman, a man cannot be fully developed." In other words, Darkness subscribe to the heterosexual sexuality only, homosexuality and other forms of sexual expression does not make any sense to him.
To be fair, his views are pretty traditional and not uncommon amongst Singaporean men. That said, I agree with you Alan that not all Singaporean men thinks that way. E.g. You don't. :)
Thanks again for visiting and commenting. Sorry that I missed out on replying to your comment earlier.
Cheers, WD.
Hi Winking Doll,
DeleteThank you too, for taking time and thought to reply to me later on.
Just want to say that it puzzles me, with so much positive and versatile influence from the world today, especially because of the Web, how can Singaporean men even remain traditionally narrow-minded?
Perhaps my younger brother and I were fortunate after all, that we were raised by a single mother who treated us as grown-ups, and expected us to be self-reliant and think for ourselves.
Despite her domineering nature, I will always be grateful for the lifetools she got us to unlock for ourselves this way.
And now, in this new decade and century, every one of us, guys included too, has the choice to keep our eyes opened to the world.