In reply to TOC - Why many don't leave and some want to return

The following is my response to The Online Citizen article dated 15-Jan-2013, "Why many don't leave and some want to return" by Kungie.

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Quoting LIFT, "is this Kungie for real?"

Precisely my thoughts too. Below is my point-by-point "2 cents". Note: ">" precedes Kungie's words as extracted from the TOC article cited above.

> it is precisely all these taboos and conventions that bring about one of the greatest benefit of living in Singapore

What benefit is the closed conservative mindset of Singaporeans (and its social policies) if one is a liberal who do not fit/agree with those silly meaningless taboos and conventions? [Click here, here, here, here, here and here for examples]

> Even if your real self embodies none of the above-mentioned values, this framework of taboo and rules at least give you a very clear idea about how to bend the facts (and people's opinion about you).

So Kungie would rather have fake friends who see one through "shape-shifting mirrors of framework of taboos and rules", than real, mutually-trusting friendships based on open-communication and mutual acceptance. I am so sorry for Kungie's network of "friends".

> So many strongly enforced Singaporean beliefs seem to embody values that people wise up to after first trying out a life of chaos and misdirection... Our social policies, while sometimes draconian and elitist, are uncannily thought out and always hold firm like the grip of a strict father, never flickering back and forth due to public opinion like how sometimes Dutch social policies do.

Singaporean beliefs that people "wise up to"? Like what? Singaporeans' materialism? Speaking as a nurse who had served elderly patients -- my observation is that materialism does not buy one peace in facing mortality. IMHO, the sooner Singaporeans wise up to the false promises of Materialism, the better.

Social policies flickering back and forth in Kungie's view is a weakness, but in my view is the flexibility to be responsive to the ever-changing balance of societal demands. I would choose flexible/responsive public/social policies over draconian and elitist ones anytime.

> You always feel that someone has got your back in Singapore. 

While in Singapore, I have experience back-stabbing from some (born-and-bred) Singaporeans at school and at work; and in contrast, support from some foreign colleagues. It boils down to interpersonal interactions, nationality has nothing to do with it. Just look at my blog post below, under the section of "ugly Singaporean bosses". 

http://winkingdoll.blogspot.ca/2010/01/wind-and-clouds.html

> Those of us who moved to foreign countries, especially Western ones, would often feel that they are being let down by their foreign friends. ... your companions may not believe that making you feel included is also their responsibility.

"Those of us who moved to foreign countries, especially Western ones" -- so Kungie claims to be speaking on behalf of ALL Singaporeans who have moved to foreign, especially Western, countries. Errmm, can Kungie please count me out? 

As far as my experience go (and I have been in B.C., Canada for 2+ years -- a "Western" country), I have Canadian colleagues and even strangers who stood up for me when I encountered abuse/discrimination. [Note: There are idiots all over the world, and I assure you my encounters with idiots are rare here in B.C. compared to my previous work experience in Singapore.] Both Singaporean and non-Singaporean friends who extend an open invitation to crash at their home any day, anytime, especially if I miss the last train home due to working graveyard shifts. Both Canadian and immigrant friends who are always on a look-out for good deals for me (better rental, fun activities at budget prices, good food at value-for-money prices, job opportunities, etc) and make the effort to be socially inclusive. Fellow schoolmates who adopted me as part of their ethnic social group (even though I do not speak their ethnic language). As LIFT puts it, it is a give-and-take, It boils down to how much effort did you put in to reach out to and support your "foreign" friends.

> Only in Singapore can races and cultures somehow interweave and cross-pollinate without chaotic detonation

Has Kungie visited other highly diverse cities such as London and Vancouver? Does Kungie even hang out with non-Singaporeans in whatever Netherlands town/city he/she is in? I have friends (both Dutch and non-Dutch) in Netherlands, and they certainly are not as ethnocentric, mean-spirited and/or closed-minded Kungie makes them out to be. 

Kungie, Please be fair. If your experience sucks, please state clearly that you're sharing based on YOUR experience and those of other miserable Singaporeans who are unable/unwilling to integrate with the locals. 不要一竹干打翻一船人。 ["Do not tarnish everyone with a single brushstroke."] There are many other (ex-)Singaporeans who left the little red dot and are happily socially-integrated into their new homeland (including "Western" countries); some of whom blog about their experience. [Click here, here and here for examples.]

It sounds to me like Kungie is having difficulty fitting into Netherlands (his/her current country of residence); and is now looking at all "Western" countries with his/her jaded eyes, while looking back at Singapore through rose-tinted glasses.

In fact, Kungie's laments sound very similar to the lamentations of some PRCs whom I met in B.C., Canada. Those who arrive in Canada:

• with a yaya-papaya attitude of how great China is ("future world superpower"),  
• who think highly of their own paper qualifications and work experience, 
• who think that the world should (or would one day) speak Mandarin as a business language, and hence there is no need to improve their English communication skills, 
• who think so highly of their own English, but do not even recognize when they have problems communicating with the locals, 
• who look down their noses on the "corrupt western culture", 
• who refuse to adapt and/or insist that the "China way" is better/best, 
• who are disgustingly ethnocentric or self-centred, 
• who prefer to enclose themselves with their own kind (often within ethnic ghettos) and thereby reinforcing each other's perception of discrimination, 
• who take every opportunity available to whine about discrimination instead of figuring out how to work the system, and
• who did not think through carefully about the efforts needed to integrate into a new country before landing on foreign soil.

I am sorry for Kungie, his/her fellow Singaporean whiners, and the PRCs who share his/her attitude. IMHO, these folks aren't cut out for emigration, and are indeed better off returning to their respective country of origin.