I confronted a friend for lying today, i.e. earlier on Monday evening. It's been cooking for some time (i.e. months) now as I usually try to give a person 3 chances. In this case, I've given way more than 3 chances.
As for the final straw that breaks the camel's back -- let's just say in short that it is not the wisest move to blatantly lie to your referee about the status of your job search, and whether or not you've had any job interview(s). Especially when your referee has been "casually" asking/prompting, "What? No news? Not even a job interview?" after you know you've attended job interview(s) where you've left that person's contact as your referee. E.g. I received an email request for reference on 30-Jul-2013.
I am really so disappointed. [Click here and here.] Considering the amount of effort I've poured into our friendship. Effort which is now rewarded by the "lack of trust" her actions betray. I could have helped the person on her next step of her career aspirations -- getting a job with a health authority -- but I would calmly exit from the relationship now since I know that she is fine, having landed several jobs, including one that gives her regular pay (thanks to the contact I passed along to her).
Cheer up. You have helped and it's her loss not to reciprocate your friendship.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Thanks, Space! *Hugs* and all the best for your settling-in. :-)
DeleteYeah! Making tiny step for small chat with a colleague.
DeleteNot sure how long your friendship is with this friend. Some people are crappy. Though it can be disappointing, you get to see her true color on the positive note. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Inspiral,
DeleteIt is one of my friends whom I've met through the GNIE (Graduate Nurses, Internationally Educated Re-entry) program -- so we've know each other since Jan-2012.
If you have a chance to read through my GNIE blog stories, you'd have a good chance at guessing who I've helped throughout the program, only to let me down once she perceived "competition" when we enter the "job search" stage. [Frankly, as far as I know, I did not apply for the jobs that she applied for, since we have different priority and interests. In fact, until my suspicions arose, I used to make sure to inform her when I see any RN jobs/trainings that she could apply for.] Count it as clearing my karma, that I was probably returning whatever help she gave me in my past life. Good to know her true colours.
http://winkingdoll.blogspot.ca/search/label/Nursing%20in%20Canada
Actually, she's not the only one -- I am aware of at least 1 other whom I know deliberately kept quiet about information that may help me with a job interview that he was aiming for too. But it didn't surprise me by then, because at least I saw the signs early-on in this other case.
Well, I am also happy to know of others who appreciate whatever help I've given them through the GNIE program and rewarded me with their support (even telling me about job openings) in return.
As I mentioned in my other blog post, welcome those who come to dock and bid adieu to those passing ships.［随缘］
http://winkingdoll.blogspot.ca/2013/08/2-ships-passing-in-night.html
Cheers, WD.
> Frankly, as far as I know, I did not apply for the jobs that she applied for, since we have different priority and interests.
DeleteTo clarify on this: I did not apply for any of the jobs that she told me about, for which I did not know about beforehand. That is, the jobs that she applied for and then she informed me about them subsequently (e.g. to get my help for the post-interview thank-you letter).
That said, were some jobs that we both applied for back in end-March to May 2013. E.g. There was a time when she and another classmate went to an acute hospital to submit resumes with me. Plus several online jobs that I saw and applied for, and I told her about them immediately (I don't know if she applied for any of those jobs too).
Anyway, that's all in the past now. A mutual friend who knows about what happened asked if she has contacted me after I "confronted" her -- the answer is no, not a word since.
To quote "Gone with the wind", "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
Fortunately you just know here for 1 over year. I have friends who shared my happiness, joy and sadness for 7 years and out of the blue, we stopped our friendship as she got attached. haha..come to think about it, some people get close to you for some reasons. perhaps they are tapping on this chance that you will be of any use to them some day, somehow and somewhat. I guess true friendship is difficult to come by. Though I don't really read all your posts here, i believe that you are a very open person and one who cares to share. Can be good and bad. Maybe because of this, people see it as a strength to them.
ReplyDeleteHi Inspiral,
Delete> you are a very open person and one who cares to share
Thanks for your compliments and encouragement. Yes, it's my nature and I do not believe in "win-lose competition", I believe in "abundance".
> perhaps they are tapping on this chance that you will be of any use to them some day, somehow and somewhat.
...and then 翻脸 [turn hostile/cold] when they've obtained their desired help/benefit.
My friend PY call such behaviour 过河拆桥 [literary: to destroy the bridge after crossing the river] -- meaning to discard relationships after one has achieve one's objectives.
http://www.baike.com/wiki/过河拆桥
I am glad that only a few of my GNIE classmates have displayed such behaviour. Most are really nice and/or ok folks. Some stay in touch and some continue to look-out for me (including a few who weren't close during school time).
http://winkingdoll.blogspot.ca/2013/10/gnie-staying-in-touch.html
> I guess true friendship is difficult to come by.
I am indeed blessed to have more than a handful of true friends whom I can count on, be it in Singapore, Canada and/or several other countries. I am counting my blessings. :-)
Cheers, WD.