Barbaric posse

I just saw a shocking photo of how "Passers-by catch, tie up 'thief' at Chong Pang Market" in Singapore today. You can read The Straits Times online news article here and see The Straits Times Facebook photo here.

IMHO, it is shocking how some commented that the accused deserved the barbaric treatment. From the photo: the accused was tied like an animal for slaughter and his hands and legs looks like they've turned purple -- a clear sign of insufficient blood and oxygen flow. Who will support this guy if his hands and feet are amputated due to tissue death? What makes Singaporeans think that it is ok to be a barbaric posse -- regardless of the crime committed?

[Note: I am not opposed to tying the thief up, but the posse should ensure that it is done in a way that does not harm the suspect. Deterrence should be just enough force applied, not excessive, otherwise IMHO the "deterrence" is really a flimsy excuse for assault.]

In contrast, another story (from Oklahoma, USA) shared on the same Facebook thread by another commenter illustrates how the story could have had a different ended. Long story short: Man stole woman's wallet, woman caught man, offered to pay his groceries, man cried and apologize profusely.

"The last thing he said was, 'I'll never forget tonight. I'm broke, I have kids, I'm embarrassed and I'm sorry.'" -- Yahoo! Shine, Ellen's Good News, Tue Oct 22, 2013.

Think again. Has Singapore devolved back to the Charles Dicken's era?

------------------------------

[Extracted from The Straits Times online]

"Passers-by catch, tie up 'thief' at Chong Pang Market"

Published on Dec 04, 2013 at 8:33 AM

Alert passers-by foiled a theft yesterday, when a man allegedly tried to steal a fishmonger's takings while he was serving a customer.

The 50-year-old stall worker, who gave his name as Mr Ye, had been chopping fish when the thief was said to have snatched about $200 from a container on the counter at Chong Pang Market.

"He stuffed it into a plastic bag, turned around and ran," Mr Ye told Chinese evening paper Shin Min Daily News. "That's when I shouted for help."

His plea caught the attention of other tenants and passers-by, who caught the 55-year-old man and restrained him with cable ties.

On forgiveness

After a long absence*, I have a "calling" to do a psychic healing again. Along the process I started healing myself simultaneously. I will not elaborate on the actual healing done, but I will share some thoughts that came to mind.

Although I am not a Christian, I love something about the "Our Father" prayer since I came across it as a child. Especially the part where it goes, 

"... forgive us our trespasses, 

as we forgive those who trespass against us. 

And lead us not into temptation, 

but deliver us from evil. ..."

The essence of forgiveness. Many talk about it. Many claim they believe it. Many claim they practice it. Indeed, many do practice it to some degree. However, few are able to practice it widely. The few Christians who do so, whom I come across personally in my life, I have always admired deeply.

I shall close with 2 songs. Songs which speak of certain life philosophies that help us to release the emotional baggages that we inevitably pick-up in life.

峰迴路轉 -- 劉德華
["Turning point" by Andy Lau]

笑看風雲 -- 鄭少秋
["Laughing at Life's Fortunes" by Adam Cheng]


Have a good day!

------------------------------

*p.s. : Okay, maybe not "that long" an absence. That said, for the previous healing that I did, I only sought "psychic permission" to heal as the person was at that time not even well enough to give me permission physically (e.g. verbally or through body language). As such, I only healed up-to the point where he no longer hung between life and death.

Death of a clinically depressed

The 10th anniversary of the death of one of Hong Kong's beloved star (singer and actor) is just around the corner. Here is a song from Leslie Cheung's posthumous album.

張國榮 - 玻璃之情
[Leslie Cheung - Glass relations]

I first fell in love with his voice and music from some theme songs from his movies.

張國榮 - 今生今世


張國榮 - 追

According to Leslie Cheung's suicide note, he did so because he found depression unbearable. Just as one cannot tell a person's sexual orientation by just looking at him/her, one also cannot tell another person's mental health and/or the life challenges that he/she is currently facing just by looking at him/her.

E.g. The second most miserable period in my life was during my secondary school days (Canadian middle school). My parents were in the throes of mid-life crisis, alternating between "cold war" and quarrelling day-to-day (with the occasional objects in levitation). I was often kept awake at night, between my parents' middle-of-night outbursts and racing thoughts of worst case scenarios. The chronic lack of sleep (over a 2 year period when the crisis peaked) took its toil on me. I was often late for school and struggled to stay awake in class -- both of which are evidenced by comments from classmates' autographs on my tardiness and drowsiness with some wondering what I was up-to at night. I think a few teachers suspected that we had some family issues since both my elder sister and I (yup, we went to the same branded school) wrote about similar stuff in our confidential start-of-school-year essay assignments about ourselves. Otherwise, no one in school really knew what I was going through. Thankfully, I managed to pass all my examinations (doing well for a few of them), except for one red mark (i.e. E8 for Additional Mathematics in semester one during my secondary 4 year). Ironically, here are some descriptions of me from my secondary school autograph books: jovial, joyous, cheerful, always smiling, easy-going, happy-go-lucky, very optimistic, "lightens one up" and "brightens up the day". 

[My schoolmates also commented that they found me: smart, "can always think of idea(s) which no one can think of", brainy, eager-to-learn, very curious, sporting and plucky, your courage, interesting, exciting, cute, adorable, comical, blur, nice, kind, warm, helpful, responsible 有责任感, too responsible, most obliging, motherly, always fully equipped, generous, magnificent and great partner (in the lab), amiable, affable, 友善 friendly, loyal, good friend, close friend, nice company, "cherish your company", quiet, "caring and concerned", considerate, care for the feelings of others, sensitive, understanding 体凉别人, stubborn, very firm in your decision, sticking to your own beliefs and principles 坚持自己的原则, fighting spirit 不向困难低头, determined 有恒心, confidence, "something different (but) I like you to be what you are", with "idiosyncrasies", your [my] patience, too critical and sarcastic, "you pass sarcastic remarks", frank and outspoken, long-winded, 太直爽 ["too direct and easy-going"], soft and gentle, "posses compassion and a certain measure of wisdom", "doesn't mind to reveal(ing) your [my] own bad-points", and "can draw quite well".
Yes, I guess I was and probably still am all of the above.]

[Note, some also wrote: "my 1st impression of you was 'Eeyaks!'", childish, childlike manner, "at times... rather grouchy", irritating, "behaviour and ways are quite irritating", "I felt very irritated by your quite silly jokes", you "laughed about real silly jokes", "you seem to talk on everything mentioned, some of which are not necessary", "motivation to win, no matter what!!!", (over the years) you-have-become/I-found-you (a bit) "more tolerable", "do change / grow up to be a 'better' girl", "always talk about things which I do not understand", "you only go talk about silly things", "you can make more friends in a week by being interested in them than ten years by trying to get them interested in you", "exceptionally slow and cautious in doing everything", "you work the hardest" (in the ECA group), "gave me the impression of an industrious student... perhaps it is because of your spectacles and your bookworm-ish look", "you express your views openly and in the process you may hurt or irritate someone", "you've taught me certain things which I was never aware of before, whether you know it or not.", "I feel that if I am given enough (extra) time to know you better and I know I am not going to regret it".
So you see, I had a hard time fitting-in socially, although one wouldn't suspect it if one meets me today. In fact, I suspect my own teenage challenges made me a particularly effective listening ear to my vulnerable teenage charges during my voluntary days.]

There are seemingly highly functional persons who crash "suddenly" for "no reason". [Click here for an example where the inflexibility of policy administrators pushed a bright young man to take his own life.] Sometimes we stand-by and watch as others gang-up to bully someone because target "can take it", "should be able to take a joke" or "was merely reaping what he had sown". As I grow older, I find myself less and less willing to be a silent target and/or a silent observer from which bullies draw their power (social cachet). After all, we will never know what may be the last straw that breaks a camel's back.

------------------------------

As for myself, I take time-out alone whenever I feel my stress building or my mood swinging. In addition, despite the frequent encouragement from kind friends to go further (ambition or career-wise), I avoid over-stretching myself because I just want to live a simple life. I have no wish to shine brightly only to crash like a supernova. [Note: This is where I have changed since my teen, for one secondary schoolmate wrote back in the 1980's, "you aim too high and whenever you could not attain your goal, you will get very unhappy."]

Not a typical Singaporean

After meeting with the team for our GNIE school project today, AP, PY and I adjourned for a gossip break before continuing with our part of the project work.

PY is a PRC who was recruited from China by the Singapore government to study nursing in a Singapore polytechnic and had worked in Singapore for some years to fulfil her bond obligations. She has a negative impression of Singaporeans. E.g. not smart* (see below), kiasu (competitive), selfish, and so on.

I realized on our first day at school that PY did not liked being associated with anyone/anything Singaporean. I introduced myself as a Singaporean in class. When PY later introduced that she graduated from XYZ Polytechnic in Singapore, I remarked enthusiastically, "Hey, we were from the same school!" but PY's response was muted. So I asked her which hospital she was from, and when she replied, I mentioned that I had a friend was working there and asked her which department she was from. She snubbed me. Since she did not seem friendly at all, I hung out with the relatively easy-going young Filipinos (like AP) instead.

Towards the end of the 1st semester, after about 4 months of school together, one day during lab, PY suddenly remarked to me, "You seem smart, not like my schoolmates in Singapore. Why?" I just smiled. IMHO, PY, like many of the PRC students recruited/sponsored by the Singapore government, forgot to take into account that she has gone through a selection process, a filtration which (hopefully) ensures that she has some "quality" that would put her head-and-shoulders above the average Singaporean student. [Otherwise, how can the Singapore government justify spending money on foreigners instead of its own citizens?] However, she was comparing herself against the average Singaporean polytechnic student -- no, make that the "bottom of the barrel" of Singaporean polytechnic students because nursing was (still is?) one of the easiest faculty to qualify for in the Singapore polytechnics. [Note: Nursing, despite its "noble" job nature, does not generally attract the crème de la crème students because of its pathetic pay and work conditions in Singapore.] Thus, I was not surprised that PY had assumed that I was like her typical Singaporean peers back in her polytechnic days and snubbed me initially. [Not that it was fair/right for her to snub her peers, but it is understandable given the superiority complex common amongst PRC "scholars" on Singapore government sponsorships and the typical Singaporean's prejudice against PRCs. Click here and here for examples.]

In addition, PY did not think highly of her Singapore nursing education. E.g. Whenever I remarked that we are both "well-trained by the Singapore system", PY would reject my suggestion and countered that it boils down to the individual. Admittedly, she was under the 3-year diploma in nursing programme with mostly teenage-students, so her teachers were stricter (i.e. more disciplinary/punitive) in their approach. I was from the 2-year accelerated programme with fabulous teachers who treated us as motivated matured learners. In fact, PY looked surprised today when I told her that my (main) nursing lecturers were UK-trained and trained us based on UK standards. That is, they trained us to function as critical-thinking RNs who assess patients independently and advocate for our patients, much like RNs in Canada.

Anyway, time flies and we have been in school for almost 9 months. During this time, although we have had some classroom interactions, PY and I generally moved amongst different circles. After all, we were not in the same clinical groups. Over the months, PY heard feedback from the other classmates about me -- "WD did this...", "WD did that..." (generally positive feedback). In fact, one Korean classmate SS even went so far as to say, "I want to migrate to Singapore. Singapore is such a good country! Clean, strong economy, good education, good government. Even the people are nice, look at WD..." At which point, PY told SS, "You cannot judge like that, WD is not a typical Singaporean." [I learned about all these today straight from the horse's mouth.]

So over gossip break today, PY told me candidly that she did not like me initially because of her negative experiences in Singapore, both in nursing school and at the hospitals. How bad is nursing in Singapore? Well, both of us agreed that we never want to return to nursing in Singapore, ever again. In fact, she has forgotten much about her "Singapore experience" as she let the bad stuff slide off from her memory. She also told me how she came to change her mind about me, a Singaporean (see the preceding paragraph).

AP, PY and I went on to share and discuss our generalizations of the "typical" Filipino, India Indian, Iranian, South Korean, PRC and Singaporean. We recognize that generalizations are just that -- it is not wise to let our initial prejudices get in the way of getting to know an individual. E.g. IMHO, PY and I have more similarities than differences in our approach to work and our attitude towards academic performance.

Reply to LIFT: Facing up to cheaper foreign competition

The following is my super long-winded reply to LIFT on Facing up to cheaper foreign competition. Ya, I exceeded the 4,096 characters limit to blog entry replies again!

------------------------------

Hi LIFT,

If your blog post is directed at the top 60% individuals in abilities, I would agree with you. Presumably, those who have access to the internet and can read and understand your blog would fall into this group.

However, IMHO, your arguments above will fall flat if you consider the remaining 40%, or those with specific disabilities (e.g. your Asperger's Syndrome nephew with limited IQ), or when viewed from a national policy perspective. But let's come back to these later.

> From your 3rd point, Create a gap that no one else can fill: "So don't give me the excuse that 60% of the population are vulnerable because they are not highly qualified/skilled - you can still add value to your job with soft skills and rise above the rest of the field like 小辣椒."

First, I want to address your statement above. IMHO, you've underestimated 小辣椒. That she can remember names and favourite foods of all the customers (from your example, it seems like she did it off the top-of-her-head, didn't have to refer to any system) goes to show that her brain power isn't ordinary. That she is able to assess people on-the-spot and sweet-talk/up-sell to them goes to show that her EQ is extraordinary too. Combine extraordinary brain power + extraordinary EQ, please lah, if the bottom 60% of the population can match that, can they still be considered the bottom 60%? IMHO, that 小辣椒 is a waitress is probably because of her life circumstances, but she is definitely skillful (even if it is not in the traditional terms of paper and/or other qualifications). Don't compare the skillful with the bottom 60% of unskilled workers.

That said, those mid-range folks can overcome their lacking in abilities by improving their EQ (can be trained) and investing in technology to overcome their shortfall in brain power -- provided that their pay is above survival level such that they can afford it (e.g. record all customer's face, name, preferences in a handheld database and use it as a quick reference before taking down their orders).

Now let's return to the remaining bottom 40%, or those with specific disabilities (e.g. your Asperger's Syndrome nephew with limited IQ). At age 12, when I switched primary school, I had the opportunity to sit next to a girl (2 years older than me) who from her facial features probably has mild Down's syndrome. The top student of the school sitting next to the bottom student of the school (who had previously failed the PSLE twice). What an eye-opener it was for me. Until then I never knew that for some people, no matter how many hours they spend studying (and she was really studying hard, not falling asleep at the desk like me), the "brain output" would still be pretty close to zero. How many of the above 8 points (mentioned in your blog entry) can people like my ex-classmate and your nephew successfully learn and implement in their own lives independently (i.e. without a heavy helping hand or guidance from others)? Come on, you yourself stated before that you don't see a bright future ahead for that young chap (e.g. here and here). At least your family is presumably wealthy enough to "buy" your nephew a somewhat "normal" life, just like what my ex-classmate's wealthy parents did. But what if your family or my ex-classmate's family is not wealthy? "You die your business"? Or introduce Soylent Green laws to get rid of those who are poor and not economically viable?

IMHO, which is why when viewed from a national policy perspective, if PAP sincerely meant its 2006 GE campaign slogan of "Staying together, moving ahead", the values (and virtues of pure capitalism) espoused by your blog entry cannot be upheld. Not until genetic engineering is perfected such that 100% of people are born without any disability, with enough IQ+EQ or some sort of special ability (which is economically valued by the society), and mankind has mastered control over fate such that no accidents/illnesses will befall upon anyone's life to rob him/her of his/her health/abilities, IQ, EQ, or special ability. Otherwise, the bottom 40% will not be able to make it in a purely capitalistic society without any social/family support -- which (from a cold-hearted perspective) in itself is not a problem, except that research has shown that amongst developed countries, the greater the inequality, the unhappier, unhealthier, and less successful the population is. And the rich in such an unequal society are not immune to the adverse effects of such inequality.

Ok, that's my 2 cents. In short, I agree with basic premise in your blog entry, but only for the top 60% who presumably can self-help successfully. Yup, I even wrote similar advice to internationally educated nurses who come to my blog.

Cheers, WD.

Marriage vs Common-Law

3 thoughts after reading the following article.

1. I would chose marriage rather than common-law to avoid all that legal and financial issues.
2. In the same vein, I would support marriage for LGBTs (or "queers" -- the more encompassing term used in Canada).
3. It is important to have a will that is properly written up and preferably done by a lawyer to ensure that it will be recognized legally. It is also important that the existence of the will is made known to its designated executor and/or publicly, e.g. on a wills database. I had all that done before flying out of Singapore. Although I am not wealthy (i.e. no where near a millionaire), it gives me the peace of mind that my next-of-kins will inherit my assets as per my wishes. In addition, intestate succession usually takes longer to process than succession based on a will.

------------------------------

From Golden Girl Finance - Jul 4, 2011
http://www.goldengirlfinance.ca/articles/the-hornets-nest-of-common-law-a-cautionary-tale

The Hornet’s Nest of common law: a cautionary tale
Lessons from Eva Gabrielsson – the woman behind the late great author Stieg Larsson

When author Stieg Larsson died in 2004, he was not a well-known writer apart from journalistic circles in his home country of Sweden. The author’s blockbuster books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest only became international bestsellers a few years after his death at the age of 50. But it is the story of his life with Eva Gabrielsson that has all the drama and intrigue of one of his books.
Thirty-two years, unofficially

Stieg met Eva when he was 18, and the pair were soulmates for 32 years. They lived together in Stockholm where they shared ownership of an apartment. They both worked as writers and Stieg composed his novels on evenings and weekends. Much of Stieg’s day work was highly political and investigative, therefore the couple sought to keep their identities concealed and did not marry so as to avoid any official registration with the state. The couple had no children.

After Stieg suffered a heart attack and died, Eva dug through closets and old boxes of letters and documents. It was here that she found a will that Stieg had written in 1977, in an envelope marked, “To be opened only after my death.” Unfortunately, the will was never witnessed and was therefore invalid. The disbursement of Stieg’s estate was thus determined by Swedish law, which does not recognize common-law unions. Stieg’s belongings (a half-share with Eva on the apartment and other possessions) were granted to Stieg’s father and brother.

Eva was shattered, understandably, at the loss of her best friend and partner. She was also fraught with anxiety at her financial situation, since she claimed her in-laws were not communicative with her and now owned half of her home.

Posthumously famous

This family’s story became very public, however, when Stieg’s publisher released the first of his ‘Millennium’ trilogy of books, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in 2005. The book was an instant international hit and suddenly, serious money flowed into Stieg’s estate. The next two books in the trilogy were published and by 2008, Stieg had become the world’s second bestselling author. Swedish filmmakers bought the film rights and Hollywood followed. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, starring Daniel Craig, will be released later this year (the Swedish version was released in 2009).
The plot thickens

If the game of Clue were redesigned today, surely one of the weapons would be a laptop. Reportedly, Stieg’s trilogy of crime thriller novels was no trilogy; it was a quartet. A nearly completed fourth novel is said to reside on Stieg’s laptop, which he shared with Eva. Stieg’s family has offered Eva $2.6 million for the laptop, but she refused.

According to Eva, her primary interest is to be able to protect and control Stieg’s literary legacy, of which she was so much a part of in helping him create. She is unhappy with the way her former in-laws are allowing creative liberties to be taken with Stieg’s work.

Unless she is granted full rights to control how Stieg’s works are published, managed and sold, there is no deal and she will not allow the fourth book to be published.
Lessons for common-law couples

It doesn’t take a super sleuth like Lisbeth Salander to see that there are many lessons that common-law couples can learn from Stieg and Eva’s story.

Problem: Stieg and Eva never married. Under Swedish inheritance law, without a will in place, Eva was entitled to nothing.

Lessons:

* In Canada, common-law relationships are generally protected, with varying laws according to the province in which you live. Check the laws governing common-law relationships and inheritance rights in your province.
* Make sure your jurisdiction recognizes your common-law status. This means that you need to file taxes together as a common-law couple, ensure your drivers’ licenses, health cards and other government documentation have you both listed at the same primary home address. If the government has no official record of you living together, it could be difficult to claim common-law status after the fact.

Problem: Stieg wrote a will, but it was never witnessed and was therefore invalid. Larsson was declared ‘intestate’ meaning that the courts decided how his estate would be divided according to Sweden’s laws.

Lessons:

* Create wills and have them signed, dated and witnessed. Better yet, have them notarized by a lawyer or a notary public.
* File your wills where both you and your partner know you can find them.

Problem: There was no life insurance to give Eva a cushion and pay for Stieg’s funeral costs. Stieg’s half of the home he shared with Eva was inherited by Stieg’s father and brother.

Lessons:

* When you own assets or have investments together, you must have a proper will in place to manage the succession of those assets.
* Establish a life insurance policy sufficient to cover your debts as well as funeral costs so as not to burden your loved ones with personal financial pressure.
* Name your partner as the beneficiary on life insurance policies and investment plans such as RRSPs.

Problem: Eva helped Stieg with his fiction for more than 30 years and was intimately connected to his writing interests. Now his father and brother with whom Eva claims he had a distant relationship are controlling the rights to his work.

Lessons:

* Set up a corporation or a trust to hold certain property or intellectual rights.
* The succession plan for shareholder rights of a corporation or beneficiaries of a trust will exist outside of your own personal estate plan.

What Eva wants us to know

Eva has written her own book, which has just been published, about her life with Stieg and the saga that followed. While some might say she is capitalizing from the media attention of Stieg’s death, selling her own book is clearly a way for Eva to generate her own income, rather than taking the millions offered by Stieg’s family.

Regardless of how this story ends (or whether it ever does), there are some good, hard lessons for those couples who choose not to marry. You must be extra diligent in making sure your paperwork is in order, otherwise you truly are playing with fire.

Farewell gift

After my confrontation with my ward manager, my ward admin staff insisted that I apologise to my ward manager. She had served for more than a decade under the ward manager. She felt that I had hurt the ward manager's feelings, especially in tendering my resignation a couple of days after the confrontation. I refused to, after all my ward manager was aware of my pre-planned resignation date long beforehand.

Unlike the ward's usual practice, there was no farewell party for SN O nor me. Both of us had been from the nursing career-conversion course. SN O left after the completion of her 3 year bond, whereas I left after 1+ year. When SN O left, her farewell party was cancelled with the admin staff's message that her farewell party will be held in conjunction with mine.

[Addendum on 15 Aug 2011]

SN O's final month at the hospital was when we had the new rooms opened. During one of those shifts when we were both taking teams, SN O remarked to me repeatedly in frustration that she would rather pay back her final month of bond than to accept such work conditions. Subsequently she mentioned that she would be sure to vent her dissatisfaction at her exit interview with HR. I do not know if she made her complaints to HR at the exit interview. As far as I know, she completed her bond as originally planned.

During my resignation notice period, I suspected that there will not be a farewell party for us. During those last few weeks, a nice consulting doctor TT kept asking me when my last day would be, and reminding me that he shall be away but would be back in Singapore in-time for my farewell. If only he knew...

------------------------------

Since I was packing my home for migration, I made a request via the admin staff to my colleagues [and I also spoke directly to some colleagues] -- not to buy me any farewell gift for it would add to my baggage. If they should insist on giving me something, then I would prefer cash or gold for portability and retention of value. The admin staff informed me that the ward staff has agreed to my request and will be giving me a cash gift on my last day of work.

On my second last day of work, I bought my colleagues a box of chocolate candies with a note of thanks. The admin staff insisted that I should present the gift to my ward manager. I said, "No, this is meant for the staff" and left it in the staff room.

On my last day of work, my ward manager passed me an angpow. At that instance, the admin staff jumped up from her desk, flipped opened a small printed brochure from her desk and read ostentatiously from it.

Admin staff read, "The love of money is the root of all evil."

I quietly replied, "Not really. It depends on what you do with the money."

My ward manager awkwardly signalled to the admin staff, and turning to me, she pointed to the Chinese words on the angpow and said, "We wish you 福 [good fortune] and 滿 [full/enough] 。”

I took it and simply said, "Thank you."

Call me petty, unrealistic, or whatever. I do not wish to keep a gift if any of its contributors were insincere, especially when I am not in need of the gift. Thus, I donated the full $105 to a charity in the name of the "Staff of XYZ ward (ABC hospital)". I shall be sending them the receipt with a note that I'm "paying it forward" with regards to their blessings.

Multi-facet thing

I am at the Budget Terminal waiting for the boarding gate to open. Perhaps it's the "getting away from it all" of vacation. For the past few days, I am hearing and seeing things from multiple angles.

Example 1: Yesterday ward manager mentioned how good LKY is. My usual response would be to go "Bah!", even if only internally. However, I was more circumspect and noted that her comment was valid from her own personal experience. [Note: My ward manager is an ex-Malaysian Chinese, converted to Singaporean citizenship.]

Example 2: Had my confirmation review with my ward manager today. IMHO, she is a much better leader than ADON G, who is currently her boss. I learnt about how my ward manager was transferred to be ADON for 6 weeks years ago. She came back to the ward to settle the chaos that ensured after her departure. Then I thought, "Well, at least this organization is not that hopeless. They did spot the leadership talent in my ward manager, just that circumstances were such that she stayed as the ward manager."

Another thing I noticed is that if I go on a vacation mode and am not conscious with my budget, I "spend money like water". I have not boarded the flight yet, but I have already spent almost $20 at the airport! There are just too many attractive material things available for sale. Ironically, I am going on a spa, detox and meditative break. Ha ha :-D

Crying ladies

We had 2 staff who cried while on-duty today.

Firstly it was the admin staff M who cried upon arrival. She was disappointed with her son's PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examinations) results. PSLE being a major examination for typically 12 year-old children in Singapore. SSN R who was in-charge spent some time counselling her. At the end of her shift, the admin staff shared with me about her concerns.

At around 1pm, I walked into the staff room and saw SSN R pacifying SEN M who was crying. I left the room immediately as I did not wish to interfere. I have no idea what SEN M was crying about. Thereafter, SSN R gave permission for SEN M to leave work earlier at the end-of the shift.

SSN R has a fierce look and voice when she doesn't smile, but she is motherly at heart. As a nurse groomed on the old-style nursing training (i.e. School of Nursing), she has a tendency to whine about the new nurses by comparing with the past. However, after one incident when I confronted her for bad-mouthing about me behind my back, she has been supportive since.

As the in-charge, SSN R was willing to give some flexibility to staff depending on situation. After today, my respect for her increased. It is not easy dealing with a busy ward, overbooking by Admissions resulting in unhappy parents, and yet have to handle 2 staff with personal crisis.

Ma-ma scolded auntie this morning

I chatted with a 2 year old boy while giving him his last dose of IV antibiotics before his discharge this morning. I happened to enter the room at a bad time, when the mother was scolding the maid fiercely over something. The mother quickly paused from lecturing the maid, as I informed her about the last dose of antibiotics. While fixing up the syringe driver, I asked the boy about his morning activities to check on his intake and output. An extract of the conversation went as follow.

"What did you eat for breakfast?"

"Pancakes, and xxx, and yyy."

[And we went down the list of breakfast items.]

"So did you like the pancakes?"

Boy smiles, "Yes, mmm."

"And, what did you do after eating the pancakes?"

The boy's face changed from happy to upset. He blurted, "Then ma-ma scolded auntie."

An awkward silence. The mother was embarrassed. The maid stood away, looking anxious. I quickly switched the topic to the syringe driver, "Hmm, ok. You see this, it is to push the medicine slowly into your body..."

Later, the mother informed me that they had lost the TV remote control. It was last seen on the sofa bed early this morning. The mother verbalized that the maid said that the remote was gone after another nurse entered the room early this morning. As I needed to attend to another patient, I assured her that we will find it later. We may get the housekeeper's help for it. Then the mother thought of pushing out the sofa bed and searching the floor behind the bed. Just as she started to push one side of the sofa bed out, she saw the remote. It had slipped between the folding joint of the sofa bed and landed into the supporting base of the bed.

IMHO, a missing TV remote is too small a matter to be scolding the maid harshly over. I wonder if the boy had not blurted out the remark, would the mother realize the example she is setting for her child? Good parenting is no easy feat indeed.

Lucky for this ma-ma, the boy showed empathy even at his tender age of 2+. Such snippets of children's innocence and sincerity makes working at paediatrics a blessing.

30+ telling-off 50+ for bullying 70+

Something interesting happened at lunch today. I, a 30-something, told off 2 ladies, in their fifties, for bullying 2 ladies in their seventies.

I was at lunch at HDB Hub's basement food court. It was filled with the lunchtime crowd. I could hardly find a place for myself, a solo diner. Then I spotted a place at 2 adjoining tables. Table 1 with seats L1, L2, R1 and R2 and table 2 with seats L3, L4, R3 and R4.

L1 L2 L3 L4
R1 R2 R3 R4

R1 and R2 were taken up by 2 young ladies in office wear. The lady at R1 told me that L1 and L2 were also taken. L3, L4 and R4 were taken up by a family of 4 who were about to finish their lunch and R3 was vacated by one of their child. I asked the parents if I could occupy R3, despite the table being almost full of dirty dishes. The parents kindly shared their table with me. Soon enough the family completed their meal and left the table.

A lady, who looked like she was in her fifties and dressed in office wear, came over to asked me if seat R4 was taken. I indicated that she could have the seat. Then she went off to buy her lunch. She returned with her soupy meal, left it on the table and went off again to buy something else. Then she returned to her R4 seat. Let's call her Lady 50A.

Then 2 elderly ladies, dressed in casual, came by. They looked like they were in their seventies. One of them, facing me and Lady 50A, asked if they could occupy seats L3 and L4. I nodded that they could have the seats. Both of them sat down. Let's call the one sitting at L3 Lady 70A and the other sitting at L4 Lady 70B. Lady 50A did not make any remark.

Lady 70B decided to buy her food, leaving Lady 70A to reserve seat L4 for her with small plastic bag of things on the table. After a while, a friend of Lady 50A came by and stood next to seat L4. Let's call her Lady 50B. Lady 50B chatted briefly about the food with Lady 50A. Then Lady 50B turned to face Lady 70A, who was sitting at L3. Lady 50B pointed to seat L2 and said the following to Lady 70A.

“你坐那遍。我剛才坐那遍，你可以坐那遍。” ["You sit there. I sat there just now, you can sit there."]

To think that all 5 of us (I, Lady 50A, Lady 50B, Lady 70A and Lady 70B) are Chinese and the typical Chinese emphasis on value of respecting one's elders. I kept quiet, waiting for Lady 50A to correct her friend. Instead I was stunned by the deafening silence from Lady 50A and the "this is my seat" serious look on the face of Lady 50B.

Without complaining, Lady 70A moved over to seat L2. Lady 50B sat down on L4. Both Lady 50A and Lady 50B started eating lunch and chatting as if nothing had happened. These two 50-something professional looking ladies spoke in fluent English to each other, not Singlish. I looked at Lady 70A and gave her an apologetic smile, indicated to her with my eyes darting to Lady 50B and shook my head. Chinese body language for “那個人沒家教”。[Literary, "That person has no family upbringing."] Sometime later, Lady 70A moved further to seat L1 and her friend Lady 70B sat at another table, to the left of R1.

After a while, Lady 50B got up from her seat to get something from the stalls. To avoid Lady 50A from “丟臉” ["losing face"]， I took this opportunity while her friend was not around and feedback to her,

"Next time you should have informed that you are reserving the table for 3. We are all here to find a place for lunch, we should be kind to each other."

"My friend was sitting at there (pointing vaguely to the direction of L1 and L2). When I came over, I was expecting to be sitting alone." was her lame defence. By then, her friend Lady 50B returned and indicated with her body language to Lady 50A "what's going on?"

I looked at her and repeated, "I was just telling your friend that next time she should have informed that she was reserving the table for 3. Don't demand that an elderly moves from her seat."

"But I offered my seat to her", Lady 50B retorted, raising her voice in her defence.

"You should not demand that she moves over. She an elderly. You could offer your seat, but not demand that she moves."

Lady 50B insisted that she offered her seat. Is her command of the Chinese language so poor that she doesn't know how to offer her seat to an elderly in a polite manner? Even then, is her body language so lousy that she doesn't know how to smile when making a request? Then Lady 50B sat down, ate her lunch and started talking to Lady 50A as if nothing had happened. Lady 50B decided to adopt the "ignore the nuisance" (aka me) strategy.

I turned to Lady 50A and repeated, "Next time you should inform that you are reserving the table for 3."

Lady 50A whined, "I was expecting to eat alone". I'm not convinced. If that were true, why didn't she tell her friend not to bully an elderly lady into giving up the seats? The only logical conclusion I could come to was that she did not see anything wrong with her friend's bullying and played along so as to have a nice face-to-face seating for her lunchtime chat with her friend. Anyway, after my final sentence, she became quieter and less participative in her conversation with Lady 50B.

I finished lunched quickly and left the table without further words. Fifty-somethings in Singapore often lament the lack of traditional values in the younger set. It is perhaps time for them to look into the mirror.

Online fortune cookie

Sometimes when I am bored or stressed and not keen on meditating, I crack an online fortune cookie. One of the more memorable ones goes,

"Always remember that people may not necessarily want to hurt you. They may be acting the best they can given that current situation in that point in time."

Karaoke, 3 women, 3 broken hearts

Went karaoke with my friends M and L recently. There we were, 3 women, 3 broken hearts.

M is separated from her husband whom she married in her youth. Now in her 30's, she is rebuilding her love life. However, she has not been lucky in love as yet. Men aplenty, just not the right type. She attributes it to her sub-consciously being not ready because her divorce is not finalized yet.

I wasted 7 years of my youth on each of 2 love. Am heading towards my 40's and giving up hope on building my own family from love. Perhaps if I had been more interested in the "Mills & Boons" romance paperbacks that captured the hearts of my schoolmates in my youth, I would be better prepared at the game of romantic love. However, I was bored even before I hit page 2 of the first "highly recommended" paperback that I had picked up. Being a straightforward person, I found (and still find) the dithering between "He loves me, he loves me not" a waste of time.

L is also in her 30's. She had known that she is a lesbian since she was a teen. Heterosexuals like M and I have problems looking for long-term love in Singapore. L has an even harder time given that LGBTs are often viewed with prejudice in Singapore society. To make things worse, the government policies (e.g. education and media censorship) actually reinforce these prejudicial views. This is sometimes due to the vocal politicking by the minority groups of radical evangelistic Christians.

On a personal level, I decided to be contented with the pure, innocent and sincere love I encounter daily at work. The love of children.

Feelings at work

I started taking team as part of my on-the-job training to step-up to a staff nurse's roles and responsibilities. Fortunately, the census was low and the cases simple. With much help and guidance from my colleagues, I managed to take team 6 times in the past 1+ week.

Then early yesterday morning, there was an emergency operation for an in-patient whose condition had deteriorated suddenly during the night. The child's mother was naturally very affected by the need for an operation. Her tears flowed uncontrollably. It was to be the second operation in this young toddler's life.

I had grown to love this joyful, active and loving child. Even as I comforted the mother, I had to stop myself from feeling the mother's pain. For I had to get on with the day's work and I knew my low threshold for holding back my tears from my student days. [Note: Back then, I had to excuse myself to cry in the toilet when an elderly patient passed away.]

Fortunately, the child was stable post-op. I prayed in my heart for a speedy recovery for the child.

----------------------------------------

28-June-2009 Addendum: The child recovered and was discharged a couple of days ago. It is really wonderful to see the child back to his usual cheerful, active and loving nature. While it was nice to receive a customised gift of appreciation from his parents, I was even happier to have played a small part in improving a child's life and appreciate the parents' trust in our care of their child.

----------------------------------------

August-2009 Addendum: The child came back for a visit with his parents late one evening. After chatting awhile, he became tired. Then he pointed to his hospital room and said, “躺躺！” ["Lie down, lie down!"]

His father explained with amusement, "He is tired and wants to sleep back at his old [hospital] bed!"

Racism and stereotype

Nursing involves a lot of interpersonal interactions. In the multi-cultural world of nursing, racism and racial stereotype occasionally rears its ugly head. The following takes a look at the 4 major Singapore "official" races and their behaviour in the hospital setting. Will not cover about the foreign workers or clients here, that's another big topic altogether.

--------------------------

A colleague K of a particular minority race complains that some patients of the majority race tends to look down her race and that they would complain more when she is on-duty. On the other hand, this colleague practises racism herself.

For patients who are planned for discharge the following morning, K would not order lunch or dinner for the patients, which is standard hospital policy. If other staff orders lunch for the these patients, the other staff would get a earful from her. However, if the patients were of her own racial group, she would still order lunch, which is not the hospital policy. I close my eyes on such order because at times it is more convenient for us nurses to order ahead and allow the system to drop the patient off the list upon discharge. Although the NO would not be happy about the costs involved.

Just discovered yesterday, K has become more brazen in her racist meal ordering. She ordered companion meals FOC for an adult patient when the companion did not sign-off to pay for the extra meal. Fortunately, I had another colleague M who agreed that the extra meals should not be ordered and witness to the extra meal order cancellation.

Guess what? M is also from the same racial group as K. So far, I have not heard of M complaining about racism against her from patients of the majority race. Personally I occasionally face racism from patients of K's minority race. However, I would not be bothered too much by them. Most of the time, the patients are ok once the communication and rapport is established.

--------------------------

Here are some racial stereotypes of the typical hospital patients and their relatives. Guess which is which.

A: Relatives or patients who ask for more of whatever that is FOC. E.g. One grandma ever asked for 1 new tin of free milk powder for every day of a child's in-patient stay. We turned down that request, of course. The baby would be grotesquely fat if he can finish 1 tin of milk powder a day!

B: Relatives who come visit as a whole big group. This provides good psychological support for the patient. However it becomes a problem if it is not a single room, and the other patients are disturbed. E.g. A child was running around, chanting out loud in a 6-bedded ward. His huge group of relatives disregard the disturbances caused to the other patients, focusing on chatting with their elderly patient. Finally, a neighbouring patient complained to me. Thus I had to stop the child running around and chanting. The child started crying and only then did the mother intervene to chide the child.

C: Patients who regularly complain of pain++++++. E.g. At first I thought this is a myth, but my observations show that there is no smoke without fire. Not sure if it is the cultural environment that encourage such verbosity. Anyway, FYI, one will NOT get extra good care just because one complaints more.

D: Patients who are polite and smiley, but shoot complaint letter after discharge. Not citing example since it's not my personal experience. So far, my personal experience with this group is rather positive. Touch wood :-P

As I have mentioned, the above are stereotypes, aka, the black sheep of their group. Most are supportive.

The value of a human life

Something is keeping me awake. I have to get up and be ready for morning shift in 2 hours, but something I read on the internet is disturbing me deeply.

That something is a suicide letter penned on 4-March-2009 by Allan Ooi [see below or click here], a medical officer who killed himself to escape his SAF bond. Whatever the reasons SAF has for its system, one cannot help but ponder if a little flexibility on their part might just alter the tragic end. Afterall, even if he were to break the bond, he would not be the only one. What's more? I find it ironic that foreign scholars escape prosecution by exiting the little red dot, while born-and-bred Singaporeans (e.g. Acid Flask) are hounded even when they are overseas. Should a mistake in one's career choices have such damaging effects? What, indeed, is the value of a human life? Is a Singapore citizen's dignity and freedom worth less than those of his "foreign talent" counterpart?

Guess another point that disturbs me greatly is that Allan Ooi wrote, "I can happily say that I have led a full life, despite ending at the age of 27". I can guess at what he meant, for I too had wished for an end to my life when I was 28. But that's another story. Back to sleep for now.

------------------------------

[Alleged suicide note from Dr Allan Ooi, copied from Mr Lim website.]

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Allan Ooi
Date: Wed, Mar 4, 2009 at 12:29 PM
Subject:
To: undisclosed-recipients
To the people I care about
I have decided to end my life. I will do so happily, at peace with the life I have lived. Yet unfortunately, I am also painfully aware of the pain I am causing a number of people – my family, dear friends, and others whom my actions have hurt or inconvenienced. Therefore, I am penning a brief, inadequate, yet hopefully comforting letter to attempt an explanation for not only my jettison of an old life and all it represents, but the entirety of thought I’ve processed during. I am performing this task of writing with reluctance and brevity, so please forgive any lack of insight or substance that might have been hoped for.
I am not depressed, and never have been. I was, however, intensely unhappy at the point of my departure from home, family and friends.
My job was terrible – no joy, no satisfaction, 10-14 hours a day of nothing. A prison. One of my own forging, perhaps, by signing a contract with the SAF at the age of 18. Youth was not an excuse, yes, but I refused to accept being deceived into believing things about the nature of my employment that were simply untrue. 12 years of bonded service became potentially 15 or 16, became unbreakable, became stifling to the point of utter hopelessness. How can a bond be unbreakable? How can it be extended at will by an administration simply by passing a paper? and how can the people subject to this bond not even question it, but instead sit in silent resentment and ultimate dissatisfaction? I was angry, so angry, which stemmed ultimately from a sense of waste and imprisonment so profound that I had no choice but to leave it entirely. To the people within this system, please change it to better benefit yourselves and future generations, instead of creating a self-perpetuating cycle of at best, painful obligation, and at worst, utter despair.
That was certainly the main cause of my severing of ties. However, it is not the only one.
I can happily say that I have led a full life, despite it ending at the age of 27.
I have many friends, some true friends among whom I value very highly (if you are reading this, you know who you are). Thank you for your love, trust and friendship. Especially those who sought to contact me after I Left, long after even, you are truly special people.
My family is loving, despite flaws which are inherent in every family. My father is a strong man, with excellent values and incredible purpose, traits my brother has inherited well, and I respect them both for it. My mother has so much love, and persistently gave it to me even though I was frequently undeserving. And my sister, I love you so much, you are the one I hated leaving the most.
I have been fortunate to have been blessed with health, intelligence, and talent for a number of things, and even further blessed to have been able to apply these things to my life. I only hope that through the years, this life of mine has caused more good and happiness than pain and unhappiness.
However, I have also developed a number of unsavory qualities which I dislike about myself. I have lies, deceived, badmouthed and hurt people whom I care about, in enough frequency to be somewhat repulsed by myself for it. Foolish pride has reared its ugly head in my life more often than I care to admit, and fractured perfectly good relationships.
I have only truly loved (and still love) one woman, despite my numerous flings, and the failure of that relationship destroyed me in many ways. I retaliated by in turn hurting many people after, and I apologise, so much, for doing so.
My best friend – the small betrayal you perpetrated was just that, so small. Why haven’t we spoken since? I value your friendship so much.
There’s so much more than I could say and want to say, but I have to be satisfied and hope that this is all I should say. So I come to the crux of this letter – I am deeply sorry, for the pain I have caused, and the follies I have perpetrated during my brief life. Yet I am also very, very thankful for the blessings I have received, and the many joys I have experienced, through love, family and friendship. I sincerely hope that my passing causes minimal grief, and that these words help to do just that. Perhaps my final act is one of cowardice, but I like to think of it as one of resolution. I do not believe in an afterlife, or a God. Death should be final and absolute. In my time away from home, I have come to reinforce my belief that all ideologies, religions and dogmata of our day are merely facades with which to perpetuate our lives. I have no sufficient investment or interest in any such temporal or spiritual thinking, and this is the main thrust of my decision to pass from the world. I die happy, at peace, almost eager to see what comes next, if anything at all.

About winking doll

Winking doll was the first doll that I had. I received it probably around age 2. It was a dark-brown skinned doll with short and tight bronze-brown curls, fixed plastic head, neck, body and legs, with movable arms at shoulder joints. The plastic face had a fixed expression of a winking right-eye and a corresponding twist of a cheeky smile.

Despite having fought for it, my initial thoughts were, "What an ugly doll! How can anyone love it?"

My doll "instantly rebuked", "If you cannot love imperfections, then how and why do you expect others to love you?"

Voila! My earliest memorable lesson on humanity and love. I grew to love the doll as my own "child". I was heartbroken when I had to surrender it at age 2 years 4 months.