Acceptance, love, joy and hope

Just saw this on Yahoo! It brings to mind what my friend ASingaporeanSon down south wrote about "Golden Jubilee Babies".

As ASingaporeanSon wrote: "What does a parent really want to give to his or her child? One of them should be hope. The assurances to our next generation that bringing them up in this country is not a mistake, that they will be included and accepted in society regardless or who and what they are in a sustainable manner."

Eden Grace - Don't Give Up from Michelle Nagle on Vimeo.

Miracles, by virtue of their unexpected nature, do not always happen. What if a child with a rare genetic disorder does not overcome his/her limitations? How much hope and tangible support can and will the parents, society and government policies provide for the child to live sustainably and be accepted by society?

As I commented on ASingaporeanSon's blog, some folks asked me why Canada seems to have more children with rare illnesses/disorders (when compared to their countries of origin). My reply is, "If these children were born in your country, what would happen to them?" The answers they give would explain why there are fewer children with rare illnesses/disorders (that survive and/or are seen in public) in their countries of origin when compared to Canada.

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When I got married, a few of my Singapore-based close friends asked out of concern if I plan to have children and (given that I'm already in my mid-40's) the high risk of having a child with problems (e.g. Down's Syndrome) at my age. I told them honestly that we (as a couple) decided to go with the flow; if I get pregnant, we will do whatever standard tests available and then decide from there.

So far, no one in Canada (not even close friends) expressed concern to me about the risk of me having a child with problems at my age. If anything, I have one nursing-trained friend already waiting to be godmother to my yet-to-be-conceived child.

Is this difference between Canada and Singapore due to social attitudes or government policies or both? Which drives which?

p.s. I just have to write about this close-to-heart matter as I've personally seen the difference as a paediatric nurse in both countries.

Destiny

When I informed my friends that I was getting married, several friends remarked, "It's your destiny to be in Canada."

My friends meant well, of course. Destiny is an interesting concept indeed.

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Almost 20 years ago (mid 1990's), I had a simple fortune telling session in Hong Kong. I was told that my life had been and would be pretty tough, until I hit middle-age.

Then around 10 years ago (mid 2000's), I got around to learning about psychic practice, similar to those practised at the Berkeley Psychic Institute. For a while, I dappled in the paranormal. [Aside: In supporting an associate's paranormal business, I was interviewed by an expat-magazine and had my "15-sec of fame" on TV in Singapore.]

In 2006 after a traumatic event, I decided to change my name for better luck. Fortunately, I talked with a Feng Shui master friend of mine. He advised me to keep my original name as it is a lucky name. I asked him about the Hong Kong fortune teller's reading. His reply was, "You practice meditation and you know how to do paranormal stuff. So you know very well that you can modify your future."

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Around 7 years ago, just before I start my nursing training in Singapore, a friend did a BaZi [生辰八字] and related Chinese fortune-telling calculations for me. She said, "Your life will be tough until age 52."

So I asked, "When can I change my career successfully?"

She replied, "Age 52."

"But I am already going into nursing..."

Friend replied, "Then you will change your career again at 52."

I asked, "Oh, I see. I'm not surprised, I have too many interests that I would like to pursue. How about migrating out of Singapore?"

She replied, "52."

"Getting married?"

"52."

I mused, "So everything also must wait until 52?"

Friend replied, "Yes, 52 is a turning point in your life. Oh, by the way, try not to drive before that age. You're very accident prone."

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My friend is right about the accident prone bit. E.g. I had a lucky escape from death last June (2013).

[18-Jun-2013, Richmond, B.C., Canada]

I was strolling slowly along a pedestrian walkway while deep in thoughts. I was heading towards the traffic crossing seen in the photo above. I mentally berated myself for missing the "CROSS" signal ("white man walking" light) by a few metres, and then returned to my thoughts. 

Suddenly, I heard a series of loud bangs. I looked around and saw a badly damaged white car spinning in the middle of the road junction. Apparently, another car had hit the white car so badly that it (the white car) spun round-and-round, past the pedestrian crossing to hit other cars waiting at the red light. As you can see from the photo above, the impact was so great that one of the cars swung 180-degrees (i.e. the one with the tire on its hatchback). Imagine if I had walked fast enough to be crossing the road at that instance (where the 2 persons were standing on the road in the photo above) -- habis! [i.e. Finished!]

It's not my first brush with Death. E.g. My 2009 pneumonia episode. I guess Destiny wanted me to stay alive.

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Last summer (August 2013), a psychic I met told me that someone had deliberately cast a hex on me. Indeed I was having such a bad time at work back then that I sometimes secretly wished that I was the palliative one, not my youthful client(s). You see, I was not afraid of death, but the pain/torture that sometimes came with being alive. [Aside: I hope that when Death eventually visits, he would deliver me swiftly.]

Anyway, long story short. 破财消灾。 [Pay the price to ward-off disaster.] After all, I had not been meditating consistently for a long time so I knew that I needed help to deal with this biggie. I know some would call me silly for "wasting money on superstitious stuff". But if you've walked in the shoes of my rather curious life, you may have second thoughts.

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So the tally.

• Changed career - checked. I'm not making tons of money, or even regular income, but I'll live.
• Emigrating from Singapore - checked. Still adjusting to my host country.
• Get married - checked. Still happily married, still in the honeymoon phase.
• Accident prone - checked. Lucky to be alive.

[08-Mar-2014, Husband-brand Happy Brunch]

Have I changed my destiny or otherwise? I don't know. When I told DD about the "52" fortune, he puts it as, "You've just shifted your destiny earlier by X years."

[Note: DD is a skeptic, but he has learned to humour me and not criticize my beliefs. Such is love that moves a man.]

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Just sharing my story. May it bring hope to those who are trying to change their destiny.

So long & thanks for all the fish

I have not been blogging much, mainly because every time I thought of something to write about, I would be distracted by Life. Then a few days would pass and I would re-think about the topic and conclude, "Nah, it would be so mundane to others."

[06-Feb-2014, A flock of birds flying overhead in Richmond]

E.g. Who would be interested about watching flocks of birds? Or kids dancing, mimicking the life-size XBox display at a shopping mall? Or the mesmerizing snow flakes falling? Or watching the fog as it creeps in and as it rises? Or the excitement of seeing buds in trees heralding the arrival of Spring? Or of gangs in Metro Vancouver? Or thoughts inspired by seeing a bird eating a road-kill rat? And for all of these, nothing beats being there to experience it for oneself.

Anyway, I started this blog 5 years ago. At that time, I was about to enter nursing in Singapore professionally, and I knew that I would have to make a decision about emigration soon. Thus, I started the blog as a coping mechanism to "let-off steam" and to have a record to remind myself that life has its ups and downs. 5 years on, I've:

• changed country of residence,  
• changed jobs, and re-entered nursing in a new country, and 
• changed my marital status. 

IMHO, that is a lot of changes. I have shared some of my journey/challenges/excitement because I thought that others on similar paths may benefit/learn from my experience. [FYI: Here's my inspiration.] Indeed, from the blog search statistics, readers land on my blog while seeking information about:

• nursing in Singapore and/or WDA's career conversion to nursing, 
• nursing in Canada, especially CRNBC's SEC (or here for CRNBC's Web Learning Modules or here for CRNBC's FAQ about Nursing Standards), CRNE preparations and/or results for IEN, and/or
• Singapore and emigration.

While my life journey continues, I would recommend those who are searching on any of the above topics to go online to search for the most current information directly from the source. E.g. Singapore's WDA website, CRNBC website, Canadian universities' websites, and the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website, etc. After all, policies change -- sometimes surprisingly (click here, here and here) and/or suddenly (click here, here and here).

[06-Feb-2013, A Canadian RN at last, 
3+ years after the initial 16-Nov-2009 IEN application]

As for those looking for overseas Singaporeans' views on life/events in Singapore and life overseas, there are plenty of other bloggers who write well. Please feel free to check out some of the blogs listed on the right column. Besides, whatever that needs to be said has been spoken of repeatedly by many bloggers. If one still does not wake up, then I guess this individual needs his/her "Aha!" moment for a paradigm shift. IMHO, it might take 1 to 3 generations, but the writing is on the wall for Singapore's future. Click here, here, here, here, here and here. [Note: I sincerely hope that I am wrong, for I am the only one in my family who emigrated.]

Besides, this blog was also meant for me to let-off some steam anonymously. But as we all know -- there is no such thing as true anonymity when one starts to share details from one's personal life online, especially as one's social circle expands. [See also here.] I stand by what I wrote, my feelings/opinions are true at the time I wrote my blog entries. That said, I would prefer if people take time to get to know me face-to-face, rather than knowing so much about me when I hardly know anything about them.

To those who ask, "Are you Winking Doll? I read so much (about you & your life) from your blog": Thanks for asking, Winking Doll is my online persona, there's lots about me that I do not share online. I hope we'll get to know one another slowly over time -- i.e. let relationships develop/die organically.

I am not hanging up my online pen instantly or forever. For one, I still want to get around to sharing about my emigration planning process as discussed with ASingaporeanSon previously on our occasional Facebook chat. I think it may give hope to those who think that they are stuck on a little red dot because they don't have paper qualifications, money and/or connections. For another, I will still lurk around online to comment on various blogs, and maybe write once in a blue moon. And I want to share one more post on my thoughts on destiny before I go.

Otherwise, life is calling. So long, and thanks for all the fish!

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Runaway bride

A day before the wedding ceremony and I am beginning to grasp why there is the term "runaway bride". And I am only having a small wedding -- less than 30 pax, including the Marriage Commissioner, bride, groom, et al!

DD while nice, is typical of guys -- he does things when asked to, otherwise leaves the "detail-work" and "relationship stuff" (e.g. tracking of gifts and tokens of appreciation) to the female in his life.

When we were taking out the wedding stuff from the cupboard yesterday night, I realized that it is mostly my project with the help of mainly my local friends. DD sent his suits to the dry-cleaners, ordered the cake and the post-ceremony brunch. DD's friends have been assigned tasks that are optional -- in fact, he has not even told some of his friends their "assigned tasks" at the wedding! I had better remind DD to follow-up on these "relationship" stuff -- not to drop-the-ball on his friends last minute.

Then the in-laws came to town, one day earlier than expected -- that really threw me a curve ball as I thought we should spend time with them while they are here. DD claims, "We don't have to spend time with them if we're busy, they'll understand." Urgh! So clueless about relationship management!

In the midst of unpacking as mentioned above, DD stated that we need to formally explain the auspicious symbolism of our wedding dessert (a traditional Cantonese wedding item) when all through our previous discussions about how the ceremony would go, there is no mention of any need to explain stuff. As DD puts it last night, "Well your friends probably know it all already, but my friends don't."

Then DD started to define last minute details of how the music volume should be controlled and synchronized with the events, when previously he said, "It's very simple, just go from one playlist to the next!" Well, he better explain these details to my friend EM.

And DD didn't even put them across as last minute requests, more like a statement of how things should be done. I do not like it, that is NOT how requests should be communicated nor the way projects should be managed. If there is a need to fudge/control details like this rather than let things run their own course, DD should have asked for a rehearsal. I'm wondering if I'm dealing with a hint of a groomzilla here instead of a bridezilla!

Today is the eve of the big day. I had left today for stuff that were meant to be for pampering myself, laying out the bride stuff and selecting/downloading electronic photos that we want to display (since we have both taken the day-off). Now I have add-on worries on my head and the nerves are creeping on me! Runaway bride sounds fabulously tempting -- except that I'll do the sensible thing and have a good talk with DD once he wakes up.

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[Update 28-Feb-2014 at 10:10am]

We've just talked about how I felt. All's ok now. That's why I'm marrying DD -- we bring each other joy and we're able to talk things over even when one/both parties are upset.

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[Update 01-Mar-2014 at 10:40pm]

By yesterday evening, we were both thinking "We'll be glad when this whole wedding thing is over."

When we woke up this morning, we talked about our "alternate wedding" if we could get away with it. My version would be a small pot-luck party: when everyone arrived and have settled down, we sign the papers with the witnesses and Marriage Commissioner. DD's version: Just the bride, groom and 2 witnesses go to the Marriage Commissioner's office and sign the papers; then we return home to party with friends.

It's amazing that we got a wedding ceremony and post-wedding reception put together and we kept remarking how it would not have been possible without our good friends helping out in various ways, especially ZS and JX, AA, and PN. Our guests feedback that they loved our small intimate wedding where guests had the chance to mingle and get to know the bride, groom, and other guests. 在家靠父母，出外靠朋友。 [We can count on our parents at home, but in society we need to count on friends.]

Death, illness, recovery

It has been a strange start to this Chinese Lunar New Year -- Year of the Yang Wood Horse. 

Someone passed away sooner than expected. 

My good friend PN is down with pneumonia. As she shared, at one point it felt as if she was dying. I know that feeling from experience. Thankfully, she is recovering.

Today, I just learned that another (young) local friend has been admitted into ICU for some days now. He had a cardiac arrest (Code Blue) and a couple of other issues.

I wonder if the universe is trying to send me a message. If so, I hope the message is simply, "You're getting older."