Friday, January 10, 2014

The Elopement

DD and I are calling our plan to be legally married -- "our elopement".

Here's the inspiration: DD was visiting his family in Alberta, Canada, over the Christmas break. According to DD somewhere along his family chit-chat...

DD's sister exclaimed, "Without this, without that. That's not a wedding!"
DD's dad calmly remarked/explained, "They are not having a wedding, dear. They are eloping. It's just that they have the courtesy to inform us in advance."

DD's dad loves the idea of a simple wedding. When I told my sister of DD's dad's response, my sister commented that DD's dad seems like "a very understanding and smart guy!"


My sister should know. I was living with my parents when both sisters got married, and what a nightmare each pre-wedding banquet period was with my parents quarrelling almost daily/nightly. Plus, having helped with and been to numerous friends' grand weddings, I don't want any of that stress for myself.
I recall years ago while my younger sister was busy planning her wedding with her fiance. For some reason or other (which I cannot recall), my mother was grumbling repeatedly about the wedding plans. As it was the second wedding in the family and I've observed that my mother would grumble each time, so my response to her was (in Cantonese), “轮到我的时候,我就私奔。” [Literary: "When it comes to my turn, I'll elope." Indirectly reminding my mother to appreciate the fact that my 2 sisters held grand weddings as per her wishes.]
Thankfully, DD is not into grand weddings too. Now in our middle-aged years, we have both witnessed that the grandeur of the wedding has no correlation with the longevity of the marriage nor the happiness of the couple going forward. We would both be happy with just the Marriage Commissioner and 2 witnesses if we could get away with it. But then, it may be the only wedding in DD's family (besides his parents'), so we agreed to have a small and simple ceremony.


Life is like a Cup of Coffee

Indeed each person has his/her own idea of what an ideal wedding should be. Some friends are surprised that I do not want an engagement ring (I asked for a gold coin instead); some surprised that we are not planning on a honeymoon (although we do have to make an obligatory trip to Singapore at some point); others are shocked that we're holding the ceremony in our living room instead of renting "a wedding hall/venue"; yet others are shocked that we may even consider going without wedding rings. So it is really up to the couple to negotiate on what would be acceptable to both. To paraphrase the "Life is like a cup of coffee" story above...
"Marriage is like a cup of coffee; it does not matter if you entered it holding nice-looking expensive cups or plain cheap ones. The only thing that matters is whether you enjoy the coffee."


  1. Is it too early for congratulations?


    If all women think the same as you, I wouldn't know which one to choose. ;)

    I am very pleased and happy for you. My own situation is more complicated and necessitate the relocation of one party...

    1. Hi CK,

      Thanks! We have not sent out our "elopement" invitations yet, but it will be soon -- the ceremony is less than 60 days away.

      Congrads on finding your partner. The complication of relocation can be seen as an opportunity to build strong open communication between the couple. Hope to hear your good news soon!

      Cheers, WD.

  2. Congratulations WD!

    A fairytale wedding is the end of a fairytale and the beginning of reality. It is more important that the couple commit to each other to live the rest of their lives together, in good times and in bad.

    And its good to keep things simple and enjoy the wedding, rather than to be stressed over it.

    Congratulations again!!! :)

  3. Congratulations, but think it will be nice to have a small wedding, so that you can look back as the years goes by.

    1. Thanks, NGS! We are having a small and simple ceremony.


    Wishing you and DD a beautiful and fulfilling life together!

    Your happy news made me happy too :))

    -- fellow singaporean in vancouver

  5. Congrats WD!

    My wife and I had a very simple wedding. Eloping does sound good to me, but we had some very basic familial obligations and had a small reception for about 30 people at our 3 room HDB flat.

    Your way of doing it feels too "extreme" to me but I think logically, it is perfectly sensible and it's YOUR marriage we are talking about.

    One other thing I always said is I'm sure splurging on a wedding does nothing for the marriage. If anything, it leads to problems if done to excess.

    Once again, congratulations!


    1. Hi S,

      Actually we did joke about doing the "Vegas" thing, but in the end we settled for a small wedding, similar to yours -- less than 30 pax, including Marriage Commissioner, Bride and Groom, et al; in our living room.

      We're calling it our elopement, tongue-in-cheek. DD's dad loves the idea of a simple wedding. It makes sense to us too.

      Thank you for your well-wishes.

      Cheers, WD.