Monday, September 10, 2012

Met someone interesting

On this trip to Banff, Alberta, I met someone interesting. 
One of our main purpose of the trip was to meet up with JX, ZS's wife, who obtained her registered nurse license (RN) and job in Alberta. Due to some changes in the CRNBC rules (i.e. B.C.'s nursing board), she has to work in Alberta for some time before she can transfer her RN license to B.C. I missed JX. She is a sociable and very considerate person. IMHO, both ZS and JS are excellent examples of "good quality" [素质好] PRCs of high caliber and excellent character. Despite their professional success (ZS is a researcher in a health/biology-related field at a public university here), they are sincere, humble and generous. Guess, what? They left Singapore because they felt that the work-life imbalance there was too challenging to raise a happy and healthy family. [Note: Both made and are still making conscious effort to assimilate into the Canadian culture.]
On the first day at Banff, JX arranged for her "local" friends from Calgary, Alberta, to show us around. [Calgary is around 2 hours drive from Banff.] Her friends, T and WN, hung out with us for the day. T was originally from B.C. but moved to Alberta after marrying her husband decades ago. She has lived in Alberta since and watched her children grow-up into adulthood there. WN was originally from Hong Kong. His family migrated to Canada in his youth, in preparation for the 1997 Hong Kong handover back to China. T soon made it known that WN is "single and available". Along the hike at Johnston Canyon, PN started discussing with JX about the possibility of match-making me with WN. JX was cautious about making their plans known to me, for JX and her husband ZS had tried (unsuccessfully) to match-make me with another guy before. Of course, PN could not keep her excitement under wraps, to which I replied, “八字都还没有一撇!” [i.e. "We aren't even acquainted yet!"]

That said, WN is refreshingly different from the usual "available" guys that I have met. Throughout the hike, he was pretty much quietly observing others and offering the occasional assistance. He was not eager to talk about himself all the time, although willing to answer frankly when asked. He is able to maintain cordial social chit-chat, but does not engage in it non-stop. Neither does he give me the feeling that he was looking for a specific person to fulfil a role*.
*Note: Yeah, you know that "mate-hunting" behaviour of men. Sometimes the guy is looking for someone whom he can "protect". Given my petite size, I did (and maybe still do, I don't know) unwittingly attract such guys. Sometimes the guy is looking for someone who he can "show" to his friends and/or family. Sometimes the guy is looking for someone whom he can focus on as his motivation to work hard and/or to improve himself. Sometimes the guy (especially the older divorced or widowed one) is looking for a young companion whom he can mould to fit his needs. Sometimes the guy is looking for someone who can Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc. Sometimes the guy is looking for a rich partner. [I am not rich. I don't know why they assume I am despite my simple clothing, just because I am from that "rich" country named Singapore.] Sometimes the guy is looking for an easy "visa" to that "rich" country named Singapore.
A clue of my petite size
[Children's shoe-size chart at Zellers]

At the end of the hike, somehow the others convinced WN to join us for dinner at our motel suite. [T needed no convincing, she was complicit in the plan.] For some strange reason, I counted that there were 8 for dinner and left a gap between me and WN at the table. We chat over dinner, but it was really rather awkward. I mean, it was pretty painfully obvious that T, JX, ZS, and PN were trying to pull me and WN together. Poor EM who was clueless about the game, possibly until mid-way into the meal. T and WN left for home after dinner at around 10pm.

WN seems a decent guy and I do not doubt T's sincerity, so back in B.C., I emailed JX and suggested that they "Friend" me on Facebook. WN counter-suggested that we connect on Google+ Talk instead. [Now, there is no way I would use my "Winking Doll" identity. I treasure being able to release "steam" online candidly and anonymously.] Fortunately, I have another rarely used Gmail account which I upgraded to Google+.

We chatted online today, when he took breaks at work (and I was home since I do not have school today). I have to say, it is nice chatting with him. I took the chance to be straightforward about my age, given that people often mistook me to be younger than I really am. It turns out that he is only a few years younger than me. That said, IMHO, he is more mature than me. Haha! Where will this go? I don't know. So far, I like his candid sharing -- so few (especially Asians) would dare to admit to someone (especially someone they don't know well) that they have issues with their parents. [Note: I was candid with him too, that I have issues with my mother, to which he responded that he has issues with his parents.] In addition, I like that he is able to chat about the casual stuff too, e.g. bubble tea, coffee and teh tarik.

Frankly, this is the stage of romance/love that I absolutely hate. I know that many females love/enjoy "the chase", but not me. I mean, why can't love be like a simple "Yes" or "No" toss of coin? Get to the point, make the decision and move on with the consequences. With such an attitude, sometimes I think I am possibly "lost" from another era when it comes to romance/love. Haiz, I think I am really not quite cut out for "modern day" romance. Argh!!! I really wish I have a friend like "Alex" from the "He's just not that into you" movie... hmm, maybe that's why my past significant BGRs (boy-girl relationships) were with long-time friends. Sigh. Any advice? Thanks!


Btw, I shared some of my past dating experience in LIFT's recent blog entries "Love & xenophobia in Singapore" (check out my comments there on why JX and ZS's previous attempt to match-make me did not succeed), "What Singaporean women think of Singaporean men", "The truth about men in Singapore" and "What is wrong with Singaporean men?".


  1. Heehee winking doll, just enjoy the "frisson" whilst it lasts, it's obvious that the guy is interested , only time will tell where it goes! Enjoy n don't over think! There will b lots of time for the angst later!

    1. Hi LSH,

      Thanks for visiting and your reassuring feedback that "the guy is interested". Hahah, guess I am kind of dumb in the sense that I don't like the "frisson" which others enjoy. Argh! Haha :-D

      I am trying not to over think. But I think it is hard, 'cos guess who popped into my mind first thing upon waking up this morning. [Scratch-my-head] How can this happen?

      Thanks again for visiting and your feedback.

      Cheers, WD.

  2. As you know by now, I'm a Master of Negativity so advice will be given according to what I'm best at.

    1) List down 10 flaws about him (in your eyes)
    2) Arrange them by order
    3) Look at the top 5 flaws
    4) If you can't do 1), you don't know him well enough
    5) If you managed to do 3) ask yourself if you can live with them.
    6) If the answer to 5) is yes, go ahead and fuck.
    7) and blog it.

    1. Hi Master of Negativity,

      I love your awesome Negativity to-do list, it is so realistic and pragmatic. I will work on it. Thanks!

      Cheers, WD.

  3. - revised after adding two words -

    Hi Winking Doll,

    1) Before I finally met my wife, I was feeling incomplete, isolated, having no group to belong to.
    I actually wanted someone to sing romantic duets, and play roleplaying games with.

    Of course I never got my fantasies fulfilled: I got even better realities!
    Now I'd rather pass on watching movies alone, like I used to; not when simple companionship makes us enjoy movies we both like together.
    And yes, recently after more than a decade, we got to singing songs we like from our youth, but more in the warm-hearted community-party style, and not in some exclusive concert mode with overpaid singers and rabid fans! ;-P

    2) I'm not good enough to give you advice, since I don't know you very well, but both my wife and I are candid and to the point with one another.
    It saves a lot of effort and time wasted on hypocritical crap, which we witness in too many people.

    That's why it took me subjectively so long to find someone who could accept me as I am.
    But like an excellent meal done with love, it has been well worth the wait, the failures and the search.

    1. Hi Alan,

      Thanks for visiting and sharing about your journey of love.

      For me, the choice is between being happily single (yes, I enjoy my solitude too much to surrender it) and the complications+benefits of having another person in one's life.

      Frankly I wasn't sure about giving up this solo existence for which I enjoy the flexibility, the lack of heavy responsibility, etc. Then I had an interesting dream recently. I take my dreams to be messages from the sub-concious, so I decided that I would take a more serious look at the option of sharing my life with another person. That's why I suggested to Facebook Friend my friend's friends from Calgary.

      > both my wife and I are candid and to the point with one another. It saves a lot of effort and time wasted on hypocritical crap

      Yeah, I agree with that. E.g. I don't see the point of playing the "power game" which females have been "taught" one way or another. That to me is so manipulative and symptomatic of an uneven relationship (i.e. you do not enter it as peers) -- like back in the 1960's where typically the man has the power as the sole-breadwinner. I want a relationship where we treasure each other enough to put the other person's needs on-par with our own.

      Heehee, btw, WN is the oldest of 3 brothers. Just like you, he is from a family of 3 boys! Sometimes I think that guys who grew up without sisters think of girls differently from guys who grew up with sisters. I don't know this for a fact, just a hunch.

      Cheers, WD.

  4. WD,

    Just go with the flow of going out, socialising and not think too much about getting married. If you enjoy his company, then you can think of possibilities later. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and him at this early stage.


    1. Hi EFT,

      Thanks for visiting and your comment.

      Yes, it is true that it is best to relax and not worry about it too much. I agree with your view in general. That is why my current response (and I cannot deny my feelings) catches me by surprise. After all, I have dated others while in Metro Vancouver before.

      > not think too much about getting married

      That said, the above final goal of a BGR (from my perspective) is a bit hard to ignore leh! If we had met as friends, then that's easy. But hor, this "match-making" approach means that I had better bring out my check-list (and also the Master of Negativity's "To-do" list by asingaporeanson above) and not waste anybody's time. Afterall we are both not young, I'm in my early 40's, WN is in his late 30's. And as per my reply to Alan above, I would rather enjoy my solo time if the risk/reward ratio is not promising. That said, I got your message, I will try to go-slow lah. :P

      Note: For my checklist, click the url below.

      As for going out to socialize with WN, I wish we could, but it is not quite possible at the moment. He is based in Calgary, Alberta, whereas I am based in Metro Vancouver, British Columbia. According to Google Maps, that is a 971km drive on highway or 11hours of solid highway speeding. [Yikes, yet another long distance romance!]

      Anyway, we did not get to chat online today, since I was busy with other stuff in my life. We will see what unfolds over time.

      Thanks again for your feedback and encouragement. :)

      Cheers, WD.

  5. Ah Nia,

    Cham lah, the way to get to know a person better is to spend time with them and I don't mean online!. Please do not ever set a timeline because you are over 40. That's the fastest way to make a mistake. Que sera sera. There is no rule saying you have to like a guy within 1 month or any other lenght of time to feel comfortable with them. If you feel comfortable with each other and click, so be it. Otherwise, stay single. Don't rush yourself into a relationship you may live to regret later. Best of luck.


    1. Haha, ETF, I like your straight to-the-point feedback. You're right of course! Just need to douse myself with some cold water to cool down, haha:D

      Thanks for visiting and your feedback again!

  6. Hi WD,
    Happen to come across your blog and am reading through your past entries. Keep this going~!
    I think I recently met someone like that but am not sure "Sometimes the guy is looking for an easy visa to that rich country named Singapore." Now, I have no idea what others perceive of Singapore, but can you elaborate on these 'unfortunate encounters'? Is the brand name "Singapore" flying as high as SIA?


    1. Hi YF,

      Thanks for visiting, your encouragement and leaving a comment.

      The brand name "Singapore" depends on the topic of discussion. Here in B.C., Canada, when it comes to freedoms and punishments, the "Singapore" brand name sucks -- people still think of Michael Faye (caning) and "(sale of) chewing gum banned".

      When it comes to the economy, many hear of the high GDP growth and simply assumes that EVERYONE from Singapore is rich. They have no idea of Singapore's imbalanced wealth distribution, how expensive life is in Singapore; and they are not aware of the cons, e.g. no Universal Healthcare, lack of social support, lack of labour protection and pathetic pension plan. That said, they are at least aware of Singapore's 1st world economic status. I have also met folks who either think (a) Singapore is a part of China, or (b) Singapore is a poor 3rd-world or developing country.

      Many people I meet are surprised that I even speak English and/or by my command of English. I am often asked when/where I learned English. It often surprises them that I learned it in school from kindergarten.

      Thanks for your encouragement. I shall get around to elaborate on these 'unfortunate encounters' someday. Will update here again when done.

      Cheers, WD.

  7. Hi WD

    You are right, I am not benefiting in any way from this first world economy.
    Shall look forward to your stories..thanks for sharing~!