Have done a psychic reading for a friend about career and love life recently, it brought to mind a recent email to an ex-boyfriend.
My dear X [name edited],
I don't know what to say. Please keep yourself warm and healthy, and be happy. You are a good man, we have had some nice time in the past. I hope that you will find the love that you want some day.
On turning 40, I have thought a lot about my life and my relationships. I realize that I am pretty happy alone. To have someone else brings with it hope and heartache, besides the practical inconveniences of having to adjust to another person in one's life. Thus, I decided on some ground rules.
1. He must be single* and available. No "separated", no "just broke-up", no flings.
2. He must be financially able to sustain himself. I don't need him to be rich, but I will not respect him if he needs others' charity to live-on in the long-run.
3. He must love me as I am. I am not perfect. I have my flaws. I need someone who can accept and love me as a whole.
4. He must love me enough to want to marry me. We will get married legally as soon as it is convenient. No grand weddings, they are often a source of headaches!
5. He must love children or nature. It does not matter if we have any or otherwise. It is just that I don't think much of the kindness/humanity/gratitude of a person if this person cannot bring himself/herself to love children or nature.
6. As an extension of the kindness/gratitude rule, he must care about the people related to himself and me. He does not have to agree with them or like them, but basic fellow human concern is expected.
7. He must live/work in the same city as me for a long enough period. That is, until after marriage and the relationship is strong enough to withstand the distance.
8. I must be able to trust him. He must trust me too. This takes time to build, thus the rule about living in the same city.
9. He must be able to forgive. Not necessary to forget, for we learn life lessons from our experience. But in the long run, a willingness to recall the past without anger, bitterness or heavy regret is important to being happy.
10. He must be a non-smoker. It is not just about his health. My nose cannot stand the smell of a chronic smoker's breath.
As you can see, you passed all except for rules 4 and 7. ... [Edited] Still I wish you well. I hope to see your happy face on Facebook someday. After all, we are still friends, right?
With lots of love (i.e. as friends),
[Edited: Winking Doll]
[*Addendum on Sunday 12-Aug-2012: By "single", I mean single, divorced for over 1 year or widowed.]
3 months ago